Thursday, June 28, 2012



I don't always post mushy blog post.
But when I do,
I make sure I accompany it with a super epic sweet love song.

CC: Neko-chan :D

Wednesday, June 27, 2012



Recently, my life took a drastic turn...
It was the start of college life
aka 'the free part of life'

So obviously there is a lot of new things that came by; challenges, memories, experiences, were among those things.
And my attitude and habits changed a little.
One thing that is prominent in the change of habit is this:


Yup, I had a weird habit of accepting challenges now.
Its weird since I'm afraid of challenges or dares from my friends in school.
But now, I'm accepting challenges more and more, whether how small or big it is.

Eat a Nuttella Cheese Tuna Sandwich?
Try to talk to the cute girl at the back of the class?
Sing a song way out of your range, solo in a jam session
Write the 800 words essay 1 hour before class?
Don't eat rice for a week

Go to an All-Boys School to do IB?
(I need catalyst since 1670)

With this weird habit of mine, I came to love life.
Everyday is interesting
There is always something to talk about.
No more those awkward silence during lunch hour or during those meet ups.
More topics that you can explore
And maybe...just maybe...
I won't be the Socially Awkward Penguin anymore :D

Penguin no more

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Of Dreams and Reality

Hello everybody!
Guess what?
Today is the registration day for my friends in KMB aka Kolej Mara Banting. What is so special about KMB? Well, it is one the places in Malaysia (1 of the 11) that offers International Baccalaureate Diploma.

One of the places I wish I could go to...

I had always dreamed of going to KMB one day to do my IB.
IB was my favourite choice of program during my SPM days
Heck even after the results was announced, I was so passionate about IB that I begin to hang out in the IB forum.
I would do anything to do IB
They say IB is the hardest Pre-U program in the world but I don't give a F, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Dreams will always be dreams...

When I received the letter saying I got the Bank Negara Scholarship, I jumped in joy. Financial problems will be the thing of the past (IB cost around RM20k above) 
Then, I received my college placing: Taylor's University Lakeside Campus, ADP

My heart sank...

My dreams of doing IB crushed into pieces...
I was happy yet, frustrated that I can't grab hold of my dream that I had worked so hard for.
So close, yet so far :(

I think to myself.
Hey, maybe Allah trying to say something here.
Maybe I'm not suited for IB
Maybe I can do more in ADP
Maybe there is something more in ADP
Just maybe...

So, I accept my fate and faced my reality of not going to IB


It was the best decision I had made

Why did I say this?
In Taylor's, I'm considered the minority group. There was lack of Malay students, a far cry from the abundance of Malay students in SBP schools.
In Taylor's, my belief system was challenge. There are more people with different mindset than me.
In Taylor's, I met more people as it is bigger than KMB.
In Taylor's, I learned survival skills, as I'm living alone in an apartment and need to navigate myself in the city.
In Taylor's, I found my true passion

See, sometimes, your dreams are not meant to be.
Not because you don't deserve it.
It is because God has more in store for you in other places.

Think about it
How many times that you didn't achieve your dreams
And ended up being far better than if you do?

So, don't be too depressed if you don't achieve your dreams
There is something better waiting for you.

And so I pray
May my new dream to get into Stanford is the right dream to fight for
I will do my very best to get it.
If I don't after all those effort,
Then I will smile, knowing there is something more.

PS: Good luck to all the IB students from KMB and also MCKK
PSS: I got really attracted to Stanford's culture and policy. Fits me more than UPenn imo

ReGenesis Chapter 12

ReGenesis Chapter 12 is out!
Read and review my brothers and sisters! 

Friday, June 22, 2012

Face Your True Self

You know,
The initial plan was to write about INTELLECTUAL CURIOSITY
which is a very interesting topic to blog about.
The last session with an amazing psychologist forced me to blog about this.

What are your values and motives?

That question really hit me hard.

I'm a person who is very adaptive.
I change personalities according to the situation.
When a question entitles me to answer about my values and most importantly, MOTIVES, I got kinda stuck.
Then, all the structure of my ego broke away and a weird question pop into my mind.

Who am I?

So, it is time again.
To dive in  deep into my soul.
And face myself.
Although it is a very hard thing to do.

Persona 4 has a strong message on facing your true self. Play it/ Watch it!

PS: I don't really make sense now. I just got literally mind raped and feels lost. So, soul searching for tonight. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

I shall STAND


Bleak. That is what I see
Not being the man I want to be
Barren and beaten
Thrown down into the pits of despair

Blue and wide, the skies are
Waiting for me.
Yet, I'm here
Laying down, facing the blue ceiling

But, my soul shall not waver
My hands shall break through
The blue ceiling above me
Into the utopia, called Future

Throw me again!
Beat me up again!
Spit at me!
Curse me!
Yet, my soul shall not waver!

As I had made my stand
To preserve on
Even if the world crumbles
I will climb out from its rubble
And continue standing

PS: Dedicated to all my friends who feel like giving up. Preserve on. And fight!

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Determination: A inspirational comic

40. CALVIN COOLIDGE: Never give up

Credits to

Monday, June 18, 2012

Of Determination and Passion

"Semua orang MAMPU melalui apa yang kami lalui, tapi bukan semua SANGGUP."

Why am I citing this blog post here?
Because it is just what I/You/We need right now.

This blogger is actually my bestfriend's sister and she had achieved what others still haven't achieved in 20 years IN 3 AWESOMELY STRESSFUL AND TENSE YEAR.

Okay, I exaggerated that last sentence but that doesn't matter. What does matter is how awesome is a young lady at the age of early 20's achieved so many things in life that would make most middle-aged man grew envy and jealous. So, what is her secret recipe?

To tell the truth, I don't freaking know either :P

I saw something in her writing. It is something I saw in biographies of successful men and women through out time.


Which really is the main factor of her success. (And most of the other success stories too.)

You see, I'm not overgeneralizing or something but I saw something weird in our society in Malaysia.

We lack this sort of determination and passion. Everything we do is for the sake of doing, not achieving. The mentaliti of 'Cukan' or cukup makan is especially strong among Malays. Plus with our natural laziness, it has been a bad habit which can seriously affect younger generation if this goes on.

I am theorizing something here.
What if the lack of determination and passion among Malaysian is because of the things we watch aka entertainment?

You see, in Malaysia's entertainment industries, we saw these plethora of the same shows over and over again. You can guess it right?

1. Reality TV shows (Often a singing show where 90% of the contestant don't know how to listen and sing)
2. Romantic cheesy dramas with evil Datins, quiet heroin, handsome hero and someone will die at the end from a gunshot, accident or mysterious disease.
3. Comedy shows which only just for laughs
4. Horror shows with a plot that had been re-used a million times already
5. Actual good stuff (Extremely rare)

Okay, I might be over biased and demeaning to the Malaysian entertainment industry about stuff and all but this is just an observation and I'm sure you agreed with me.

Now, a question to all of you.
Have you watched a movie/drama made in Malaysia that focused on Passion and Determination recently? 
I'm sure you are shaking your heads now.
We are lacking on these inspiring movies/drama to inspire people.
Sure, we do have our own local motivators and all.
But I sincerely believe that entertainment is one of the best ways to influence minds.
If we influence minds with the message of PASSION and DETERMINATION, won't it be beneficial?

If you are a writer/producer/film maker etc.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Parenting Level: Kamarulnizam and Fadwal Khusna

Guess what?
Today is Father's Day!

So, I would like to dedicated this post to my awesome troll dad,

But what the heck, I will dedicate this post to both my parents.
Yes, BOTH.

So we will start of with my dad, Encik Kamarulnizam
Born in 14th February (Yes, on Valentine's day. Explains his jiwang-ness) 1962
Now is a CEO in his own company, Medijaring.
He is what would you call a positive feedback parent.
He expects something from you, but in a subtle way.
He won't force his children. EVER
He will just facilitate his children, and to an extent, influence them to choose the right decision.
He is a loving husband.
He will try his best to make his wife's day fun.
He is the master of mind games.
He can reverse psychology almost EVERYONE including salesman. (Explains the tons of free stuff in our house)
He is a man of wisdom.
Different from my mother, he doesn't talk much unless he is in his own group.
He prefers to be low profile, not to be flashy and stuff.
He is man full of jokes, trolls and humor
He differentiates between work and family.
He is a GREAT family man.
He believes that family dinner is an important ritual to keep the family close.
He has a pure heart and is really selfless
Serious, he will and definitely will help others in need.
He is a genius.
What I meant by genius is he can do EVERYTHING!
Home improvement, home designing, interior designing, accounting, business analysis, map reading, psychology, negotiating, cooking, programming, fishing, gardening, you name it. He can somehow do it.

He is my main inspiration.
I admit it, I have a weird complex with my dad.
I don't want to lose to him.
Every single thing he can do, I want to do it better.
Every single weaknesses he had, I overcome it.
Every single bad habit he has, I didn't do it.
Maybe it is weird, but that is one of the things that drives me forwards.
Call me jealous or something, I am.

He taught me is importance of multiple intelligence; to be a balanced individual.
He taught me that to hold on to something you believe in until you succeed.
He taught me that passion in important
He taught me that family is important

One time, he admits that he was nervous of becoming a parent because of his past pit holes.
But I'm here dad, an individual who has achieve the level which will make any parent proud.
And I will not stop here.
I will continue on to make you proud!
You sir, succeeded in becoming an AWESOME dad!

Now, for my mom, Puan Fadwal Khusna binti Hassan
Born in 28th October 1970
Currently a housewife, a very dedicated one.
She is the SuperMom
No joke
She is the master of multitasking
And memorizing recipes and prices of groceries.
She talks a lot with her family.
Yes, she nags. (Every mother do right?)
But she did it to express her concern to her kids.
She is a family women.
No one can be as important as her family
She is a dedicated woman and very selfless.
She will send your things to Cheras all the way from Setapak in the middle of the night if it is that important to you.
She is concern about her children's school performance.
She knew most of her children's friends, to curb bad influence.
She can be moody at times (Most women do...duhhh)
She likes to be cuddled :3
She likes cats and cooking.
Her tongue is like a magical detector of taste and spices.
She is a brutal driver. Trust me.

If my dad is my inspiration, my mother is my drive.
It is like my dad is pulling my upwards while my mother pushes me from below.
She will keep a close track to my progress.
Every single one of them.
My mom is very close to me.
From girlfriends to unbearable neck pain, I will tell my mom first.
She is the true embodiment of a SuperMom
And she really rocks in doing it.

She has a lot of weaknesses, she admits it.
But that doesn't stop her from being an awesome mom.
I'm the eldest son, and she is so proud of me.
But I'm not stopping here.
I will make you prouder than before!
You maam, succeeded in becoming an AWESOME mom!

Both of them...
Without them, I would not be here (You don't say?)
Without them, I would crack under pressure a long time before.
So thanks mom and dad.
If I become a parent in the future.
I know just the person who I need to be.

I love you

Friday, June 15, 2012

Carpe Diem! Memento Mori...

Carpe Diem! Carpe Diem! Carpe Diem!
Why am I addicted to this particular phrase?
Its because it is just want I need.

What does Carpe Diem means?
From what I know, it meant Seize the Day.
What is so important to it?
Seize the day meaning that you must use the day that is given to you to the full extent. Don't waste the day given to you by the Almighty with useless stuff. Instead, use it to achieve greater things in life.

In a nutshell, this is YOLO before it was cool
Hipster much.

However, from I what I understand, Carpe Diem is better that YOLO in the sense that Carpe Diem tells you to use our day and time wisely while YOLO is just an excuse to do stupid stuff.

Why am I saying this now?
Recently, I saw an increase of people with the YOLO spirit.
If the YOLO spirit meant to be doing useful stuffs that will benefit the one lifetime you are being granted with, then I have no problems with that.

People are using the YOLO idea to do stupid stuffs.

Never been caught by the police?
Never drink and drive?
Never flunked an exam?
Never gotten an anal?
Never kissed a goat?
Never kick yourself?
Never licked your elbow?

I mean, this is just ridiculous.
Forgive me for being so critical and nitpicking but this must stop.
Come on guys, You Only Live Once so use it wisely lah.

Which make us to go to our next phrase of the day, Memento Mori.
I always used Persona pictures. The game is a life changing experience indeed.

Like the picture above stated, Memento Mori means:

Remember your mortality.
Remember you will die.

I think this phrase has its relevancy to our youth's today. We are underestimating death. We don't know that even the seemingly harmless things can be the cause of your death. Or worse, you can just death without a clue. Didn't you learn that? The Quran said so.

Having said that, why are we wasting our time in doing stupid stuff?

Strengthen your iman
Explore the world
Be nice to people
Achieve your dreams
Fulfill something during your limited time here!

That's why I want to use the phrase of Carpe Diem.
Seize the day!
Use it well.
And may you succeed.

PS: I'm getting the feeling that most of my blogpost are random craps by me. I apologize for the lack of concrete facts but I really hope that my posts will jolt your brain a little to think

A Poem for Thomas

Who knew this can be a pillow?

I slipped into the hazy realms of semi-sleep
in the Athenaeum
the silent murmurs of its inhabitants
a haunting lullaby
weaving themselves into my imagination
colouring my dreams 
in shades of pastel 
as Thomas Calculus 
gently held my heavy head in his hands.

Credits to the poet: Turga

PS: Can't resist to post this
PSS: Damn it, why am I wasting time doing this rather than my English assignment
PSSS: ERHMAGAD! Malaysian studies after this!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

To Save a Soul


Save a soul need there is one in need

If there is one principle of my life that I want to share with everyone, it is that quote above. Why do I give much particular in saving a soul? Because I too, had been saved by someone, and it makes all the difference.

It's weird and almost fantastical to see where I stood today if I were to consider my past. My past is not all fun and games. I'm not the person I am now today. If you knew me personally, trust me, I'm not like that a few years back.

It all started in 2008, Form 2.
I was at the bottom of the social pyramid. A bully victim and a subject of teasing and laughter. My opinion doesn't matter just as along they will get a quick laugh. I was diagnosed with a mild case of depression. I can't find joy in life. Well, if you are with me during that time period, I think you would not realized as I bottled it up.

 Then, a simple encounter with a book changed my life.

I vaguely remembered the title of the book. It was Tony Buzan's Guide to Spiritual Intelligence or something which belonged to a senior. Without nothing much to do, I read the book...and keep on reading.

I was hooked.

The senior who owned the book noticed this and said.

"Tu self improvement book. Aku ada banyak lagi. Ko nak pinjam?"

The response was obvious. I borrowed every single one of his books.

I read books after books on self improvement. I learned a lot about people, about self confidence, about social interaction and about the meaning of life.

Then the senior started to coach me. He gave motivational talks. He forced me to do work out to trim my then flabby body. He monitored my progress and listen to my problems.

Enter the year 2009, I was a completely different person.
I had confidence.
I had influence.
I had a larger circle of friends.
My opinion matters.
I had a slimmer body.
And importantly of all,
I was happy.

And it snowballs out of control. 

Year 2012
I had achieved a feat that most people in 2008 would be rolling on the floor laughing if I told them I will be here. 
And it doesn't stop there.
It will keep on snowballing and I will make sure of it.
I will make sure that the soul my senior saved is worth every single second he spent.

Seems hard to believe right? Such simple act of borrowing those books can trigger a drastic change on a person's life. But it does. I'm a living example.

Since that event, I promised to myself that I will help those in need of help; their souls searching for someone to save them from their own depression. Because if the senior didn't help me before, I won't be here. I want to make an impact in another individual's life. 

I want to save a soul.

So, I call out to all of you.

If you find someone in need of help, help out with all your abilities.

Because you might make a difference.

And the cycle goes on...

Into a world where everyone is saved

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Jump off a building they say, It will be fun they say

Pull the trigger, it will be over
You know, in my school, I always tease as 'the suicidal guy' because of a stupid imagery I used in my dramatic speech which has the phrase, "Baik aku terjun bangunan je camtu!"

A few years had passed and I'm still haven't jump off a building. (Yeah me!)

But why there are people, young people especially, taking their own life with their own hands?

Often we see the news along the lines of:

"Student Suicide"
"Jump off the building because of relationship problems."
"20 pills of panadols because of stress."
"16 years old girl commit suicide"

When we heard the news, we will go like, "OMG! Stupid idiot baka bodoh! Memang patut mati pon!"
Well it is true they are not the brightest people but how about we stop and reflect for a while.

Why did they commit suicide in the first place?

Sure, it is easy to blame on the person's lack of will power but do you really know his or her problem?

Research shown that most suicide cases happened after a significant amount of build up.

What is the build up the above statement is referring too? The piling up of problems of course. With every problems, it piles up into a huge emotional stack until the person cracked and succumbs to suicide.
You are not an assassin, so don't go and do a leap of faith from a building

In other words: Suicide don't (usually) happen after JUST one problem. The problems piles up until the person went coo-coo and jump of a building.

So, what about this 'problem pile up'?
Problem pile up is a situation where a person can't manage his or her own problems, mostly due to the fact that he or she could not do anything about it like bullying, peer pressure, expectations, poor performance and the list goes on.
Problem management also include the inability of sharing to others.
One interesting fact is that men are more likely to commit suicide that women, contrary to popular beliefs.

Because men are egoistic creatures.
They don't want to share their problems because it is deemed as weak or in a more popular way: gay.
I agree, men searching for other men to share their problems while crying or weeping is weird and out of place but did you know this is one of the reasons why suicide rates among men are higher than women?

Sure, maybe you can say: "I'm a guy and I always share my problems with my friends."
But how about those socially-awkward people who you guys like to put as an outcast?

Another interesting fact is: Asian people are more likely to commit suicide than their Western counterparts.
We all know why right?

The EXTREMELY high expectations from family and the community

Not to generalize, but in my opinion, we, Asian people are such competitive creature. The blood of Kiasu-ness run greatly in our veins. We compete to the death...literally.
I'm sure most of you knew what this meme means
This topic is really interesting to write about but I forgot I have a presentation on 'Malaysia Today' to be done. (Oh, the 9 pages long report of economy overview)
Sorry for the abrupt end of this topic!
So, in a nutshell,

Live Life, Talk about your problems, Help out those in need

I apologize again for the rushed ending
See you all later!

Monday, June 11, 2012

So, 16 months and what had happened?

Yo and Hello readers!
This will be my first 'blog post' after so long of a hiatus. (Consider the last post as more to an announcement rather than a proper post)

So, what's up, Nazran?
It has been 16 long months and now what?

A lot of things had happened.

I graduated finally :D
Got my SPM results
Enjoy six months of break
And recently just entered college.
Enough information for you?
So, that is the end of the story of my 16 long months!
See ya in the next post!




You really think I won't do a lengthy blog post right?
Think again,
I'm Khairul 'the awesome' Nazran! (ignore the middle name)

These past months have been hectic for me.
If I were to compare now with a year back.
Too many things had changed.
It was like THIS MUCH

One of the most drastic change?
I am now a college student.
Taylor's Lakeside University
What the heck is that?
It is this awesome university in the middle of somewhere...(Research la, lazy people...Google search bar is just up there...unless you are using toolbar)
So un-photogenic...

I went there as a scholar under Bank Negara Malaysia and now doing my ADP (American Degree Transfer Program)
How is college life?
Awesome...just awesome...
New friends are plenty and all of them are a bunch of interesting people.
Especially the other scholars.
I tell you ah,
They are like this golden duck you can't find anywhere else in the world. (Wrong comparison but what the heck)
And since I'm the only male scholar, I have all the girls for myself
Do I hear SWAG?
Oh yeahhhhhh....

Jokes aside, it is kinda lonely at times.
Because I am currently living alone.
Yes, an apartment meant for six.
And I can't even bring in any pets! so lonely...
And I reminded myself not to play Amnesia at all...if not, I don't think I can sleep that night.
0.0 *piss in le pants

What else?
Aside from college and all, I'm committing myself to another thing.

No, it is not a girlfriend *blushes*
Its my life long dream to write a novel!
That is write folks!(pun intended) Nazran is writing a novel!
I have been hanging around with the guys at until I managed to get myself a beta reader.
And that is such an accomplishment for me folks.
You know me, I never do stuff continously

But, alhamdulillah!
I'm still writing it right now!

Where is it?
Right here!----->
Its called ReGenesis, and it is my brainchild after hours and hours of being stuck in the LRT and KTM.
See, what they say is true.

Public transportation=Inspiration spot

And I also wrote another work which is more towards a stress reliever rather than a serious work.
It is called Melody of the Renaissance and it parodies my highschool experience of being in an orchestra.
Where is it?

So, what else?
That is all!
Yup, 16 months and all I can say is this couple of things. (Actually there is more but I don't want to bore you guys.)

Next post will be on the more serious stuffs! I promise!

Back from the Dead! Now with more MATURITY and GAR-NESS!

19 February 2011

Who could not remember that date...

The day where has been put into rest...

Gone were the days where this blog was filled with colours and nonsense I what to share with the world

Only a single apology post decorated this blog for 16 months...

But not anymore!

Literally from the grave of, I'm back and kicking than ever!

Gone were the traumas of my past scars!
Gone were the fear of being oppressed!
Gone were the insecurities I felt!
The time is now!
This is my calling! 
Okay, that was dramatic
but seriously, I'm back people!
*cue awkward cheer*
Now with more maturity and Gar-ness!
Yes, I took a loooooooooooooong break from blogging and I have my own reasons for that.

But no artist can rest for so long right?
These hands are itching to type word by word, to paint the blank sheet of blog post with colourful things I want to share.

But why now Nazran? Why not earlier?
Well, to tell the truth, I'm planning to blog again waaaaaaaaayyyy back before, but I couldn't really get the motivation to do it. (Yes, I'm kinda unmotivated during times of dire need)
And since I am feeling really motivated today, I might as well start to blog again.

Apologize the old layout, my layouting skills are so 2009. Gonna ask my friend to help me later.
The all that said, I, hereby declare that REVIVED!
Coincidently, I'm drinking a Revive now.