Monday, November 25, 2013

Open Letter to SPM 2013 Students

An Open Letter to SPM 2013 students.

As you guys may or may not realized, the end of SPM examination means that school is finally over. A new fresh wings are bestowed upon you as you can finally take those precious steps into the outside world. 11 years of incubation and preparation in school are all for these steps. As you step outside your school’s compound for the last time, be it physical or hypothetically, this question may come across your mind, “Now what?”
Many of you guys may think, “Hey, I’m free. Now I can relax and enjoy my 6 months plus break.” Yes, you are correct. Do take a break. SPM examination is a pain but remember, your break is not definite. These months leading up to your SPM results and your enrollment to the next stage of education (Assuming you are taking this step) is arguably the most important time of your early adulthood. Six months is such a long time; there are much that can be done. I’m here to guide you throughout this six months and hopefully it will be a help towards you.

What do I need to do?
1.      Character Building
Sure, take a break for two or three weeks or so, then start get cracking. One thing that you really want to tackle upon is character. Without doubt, character is one of the biggest determinants of life. Look around and observe successful people around you. Their skills aside, all of them has some sort of strong character which enables them to climb the ladder of success. Character traits such as integrity, responsibility, dedication, discipline and perseverance play a huge role be it in college or in life itself. So, build them NOW. The time between post-SPM and SPM results is a great time to do this because you have no pressure from school or homework or assignment. This is your ‘ME TIME’ so, proceed smartly. Read self-help books. Read biographies of successful people. Join a volunteering club. Join and fight for a cause. Participate in seminars. Start a personal or group project. Build up those characters now and you will see the results in the future. In my personal observation, my friends who took up volunteering and start up a video project about Islamic dakwah has a strong character and better start to his college life than my friend who merely works part time for six months. Don’t get me wrong, I am not wrong part time jobs are useless but it is highly dependable on your goal of taking up that job. If it is solely monetary, then chances are, you will not invest much into building up your character via the part time job.

2.      Skill Building
Aside from character, another important thing to work on during your long break is your skill array. It compliments a strong character and it is more concrete and easily seen by scholarship scouts and employers in the future. Skills can go from something menial like cooking, sewing, household chores to something complex like computer programming and website designing. Whatever it is, if the skill is beneficial, take it up and learn it. Heck, it might even be something you are happened to be interested in like photography or singing. Nowadays, to learn a skill is fairly easy with the advent of technology. Wikihow and Google can provide readily-available steps and methods in learning a new skills. Youtube also has a wide array of ‘How-To’s video to guide you in learning a skill. Not only by learning a skill you will get a cool skill into your life, it helps into building your character too. For example, learning how to play a guitar requires patience and perseverance as you repeating boring scales and chords over and over again to get it right. This builds up those character traits indirectly as you get better at it. And also, having skill sets is important for socializing too!
PS: Learn the skills to learn faster and efficiently like mind-mapping, holistic thinking, lateral thinking. It helps your college academic work A LOT.

3.      Networking
Social media is a big thing nowadays but to have only a huge quantity of friends does not and will not help you in the future. Quality relationships, be it professional or personal, are a way to go. A relationship network that is not too big nor too small is one of the key to a fulfilling life. To start building up that network starts now. Go to social events or volunteer for an organization. Don’t limit yourself to someone who is the same age or shares the same interest as you. Open up to new friends and connections. I found a group of highly motivated friends solely by serendipity in a blog group. Soon, we became 94fs, a community that strives to inspire the 90’s generation. A strong network is also essential for you to find opportunities like projects and events. So, turn on your extroverted persona and get socializing.

4.      Find Your Path
Arguably one of the hardest question to be answered. “What path of life do I want to take?” The Malaysian university system works like a specialization institute; you pick a course and specialized in it. Unlike the US college system which I am currently in where students are given the first two years of their college life to explore and decide their major and concentration, you don’t have that liberty in Malaysia. So, like my previous advice, start now. Research on possible degrees that might interest you and GO DEEP. Yes, I intentionally bold and capitalized that because it is something that 95% of SPM graduates failed to do and they jumped into the hype bandwagon and ultimately screw up their entire life doing something that doesn’t interest them. RESEARCH REQUIRES TIME. And such a life-changing decision won’t come to you overnight. When I say ‘GO DEEP’, I mean to go find out everything about that degree you can possibly find like job prospect, syllabus, the knowledge you might get, its application in the modern world etc. Also, ask yourself about your existing skills and passion and how can you use that to make your decision easier. Let’s take myself an example. I went to a Science-Stream school for my entire high school. I was born, raised and molded into a Scientist of sorts. However, deep down inside, the job prospect of a Scientist does not interest me as I was more interested in human interactions and psychology. However, Psychology might not be suitable for me as I want a more rigorous academic life with math and deep analysis. Then, I found economics which essentially deals with humans (Behavioral economics FTW) and requires A LOT of analysis and also theory crafting (I mean, come on, speculating the world economy is crude yet so fun. Kay, I should stop econ-fanboying) And that’s when I know which path I am going to take. You can achieve that too! You just need to GO DEEP.

5.      Never be Afraid
More of a general statement than a legit advice. NEVER EVER BE AFRAID TO STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. (Yes the caps is necessary) If you never speak a word of English, for example, DO IT. If you never write an essay just for fun, DO IT. If you never tried cracking a mathematical formula, DO IT. Because during this slack time, exploration is easier to do because you have nothing to lose, no grades to maintain and no homework to stand by your way. Explore and see the world outside your own coconut shell.

Closing Words
            I hope my 1000+ words of advice will help you guys. As a SPM 2011 graduate and an avid follower of Malaysia education (Is this the correct term? Let’s just say I always keep up with the progress of SPM graduates), I found out there are a lot of lost souls after SPM. Even more heartbreaking, people with potential were swept away in blissful ignorance as they burn out their ‘vacation’ and suffered through college. Although, I have also seen people who are thought to be ‘without potential or hope’ to rise up from mediocrity and rose to success. It is possible. If I could do a research paper about the correlation between the time spent effectively during this period after SPM and the student success in life, I would do it. So yeah. Take my advice, young ones and may I see you at the top.


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

You, The Greatest Enemy

Original Source of Picture: CptnDerp @ Deviant Art

I woke up to my first ever panic attack ever since I came here; the first after a series of panic attacks before I got my long awaited acceptance letter from this same university. I remembered how I woke up at 2 in the morning - breath labored, body drenched in sweat and heart thumping- thinking about that dream I had moments before I woke up in this horrible state. I shook my head to clear off that lucid image of the nightmare and the sweet yet venomous sound that I wish not to hear.

Then, I slept again hoping that this is just a random event.

But it wasn't.

I can't remember clearly how many times I woke up. Was it three or four? I'm not sure. The point is, I didn't get much sleep yesterday. Every time I drift off to the depths of my own consciousness, I would wake up a hour later in a pile of sweaty clothes and heavy breaths. Again, haunted by that dream.

You might want to ask: "What kind of dream? Is there any kind of dream that can scare you shitless when in reality you are quite a strong person?"

Answer to that: Yes, there is.

I wrote a poem earlier this morning about being a man. That poem is in response to my panic attacks before. Men are humans. Humans are naturally weak. They are capable of breaking down and crying under pressure. However, humans are only naturally strong. They can prevail and strive under pressure too. It is just a mere choice

Back to the point, what did I dreamed of? Let's just say that I'm strong because I have important people in my life to support me through thick and thin. They are my life line and my reason to fight. What if, somehow, they slowly drift apart? No, not through death or anything abrupt. Just slowing fading away and disappearing no matter how hard you try to hold on. Like holding a fistful of sand and seeing it escape through the cracks between your fingers and when you open them, you can only see just a part of what it used to be.

I'm so far away currently and that by itself is daunting. Everyone I cared is at the other side of the Earth, around 16000km away. I can't see them in person so I need to keep in touch via technology. Soon, 'checking up' became sort of an obsession. I want to know how are you doing. I want to know that you are okay. I want to know that you are doing fine.

Sure, I get busy and soon put it at the back of my mind. Honestly, I got over my waves of homesickness a little while ago and I thought that I was okay. But see, I didn't forget about it. I merely stash it away into the depths of my own subconsciousness.

If you have been reading this blog for a while, you might notice that I have this peculiar voice inside my head that is myself and also not myself (Confusing. Yeah, I don't know how it works too) but in a broader sense, I would like to think this voice as myself. Every time when I have my mind free from school and socializing, this voice started to wander, "Hey, I wonder what is he/she doing now?" That question soon escalate into a series of "What if"s. And we all know that 'what ifs' creates anxiety and fear.

That's how I (think) got my panic attack. I am the cause of it

But why?

I don't know for sure. Maybe it is because I choose to be insecure?


Throughout my life, I have been struggling with myself without rest. I'm the cause of my success and I'm the cause of my failure. Kinda heavy of a burden eh? But yeah, that is how it is. I am my greatest enemy.

In this case, I choose to be afraid and anxious. Although technically I didn't, a part of me (Or a huge part of me) choose to do just that. To quote a certain failure of a Will Smith movie:

The danger is there but fear is a choice

Which brings me to another question: Will I be okay?

Hm.. tough one but generally, a big fat YES

As weird as it seems, I am better than myself. So, this time I choose to be brave instead.

End word: Always, always, always fight against your inner demons. You are your greatest enemy

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Hello Murica!

This is the infamous UMich Bell Tower. Nice right? ITS HAUNTED!
Hello people of the internet! After going through a month of emotional rollercoaster, homesickness and 'kejutan kultural', I am back writing in my now-filled-with-cobwebs personal blog. Kinda weird because I always update my poetry blog but I never had the chance/time to invest idea and creative energy into my beloved nazranvision.

Anyways, I'm in 'Murica. No idea where it is? Okay, I shall speak it more clearly.


Yes, people. Finally, I'm in United States; land of obesity, the dollar bill and 90% of the western artiste you guys worship on daily basis. Specifically, I'm in the town of Ann Arbor, Michigan. Where is that you might ask? It is 5 hours north of Chicago. Where is Chicago you ask? It is 7 hours east of New york. Where is New York you ask? For god's sake, get an atlas!


Anyway, the journey to Ann Arbor, Michigan took around 30 hours including transit, travelling more than 11 hundred miles (Yeah, American system!) and 7 full-length movies...and sleep. 

Why am I here? To party and pick up chicks, of course!
jk, I'm studying in the University of Michigan. College of LSA, majoring in Economics and planning to double major in Psychology too...or a double degree in business. We shall see how the future unfolds.

It has been almost two weeks here and I like my experience so far. Generally, the people here are more sociable and open to others. Their service is great too. Friends, a plenty though I have trouble finding a genuine close friend yet. (Come on, baru dua minggu. Chill) 

Parties? I've been to a few. Well, duh, not frat or sorority parties with alcohol and weed bongs and orgies. Normal parties with people and music and free finger food that is not actually filling. Parties play an important social aspect of life as a student here. Miss them, then your experience will suck. It is just like mamak sessions in Malaysia...though they don't really carried away until 4am.

How about studies? Well, can't really say much because today is my first day of class. So far, it is enjoyable. Finally taking up Japanese this time. (Yes! Akiba, here I come~~~) Also taking English writing because they don't accept 'Malaysia-standard English. (Heh, good what. Grammar perfect some more. You all is no nothing of this) And last but not least, Calculus II

*cue frightening music*

Yes, I'm not the brightest one for maths and stuff. My basics suck balls but one thing I do enjoy about math is the dissection of normal everyday concepts into numbers and graphs and functions and further dissecting it. It is like looking into the universe around us....naked. 


But I think I can bear with it. Come on, it is 'just' 13 credits. <--Future Nazran won't approve of this. I bet you.

Anyway, I'm finally here. I won't lie when I see I miss Malaysia. I miss the food there. (Seriously, I'm turning into a rabbit here. Salads everytime) I miss the sights. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my Sam. I miss my Panda. I miss my Kyou and Emma (I love you, babe. Please ship yourself to me T_T)

But life goes on. This is a new chapter. A new beginning. A clean slate for me to spray whatever color paint I wish. Total freedom is a gift but also a burden. I'm confident that I will survive this experience 16000 km away from home (Metric system, I miss you) where toilets have no water bidets (I miss you too, bidets) with nothing but a scroll in hand
...and maybe a slight accent

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Countdown. More Than Words Version


My days here are numbered. But that doesn't mean I should sit at a corner and cry right? So, I'm writing here to answer the question:

"So, how do you spend your last days, Nazran?"

So, here is my answer, in a More Than Words edition!
Because I'm lazy to write tonight

1. Nights With Semoa
It was kinda random. A friend of mine suddenly came to me and asked, "Eh, datang lah." So, I did. It was a fun night and I met a lot of my long lost friends

With awesome people, Rizwan and San

My mates for the night

Puak Kijang united

With Akhiar, a senior

2. ADP Graduation
Oh god, I finally graduated. It seems like yesterday that I just got my letter from Taylors. Now, I had officially graduated. It was fun, really.

Two shining rays.

Among the awesome friends I have in ADP

Puak Michigan

Rachel, Sherlynn and Darren. They always make my day

With my favorite lecturer, Ms Lim

Hours of library studying: Worth it

All of us in Turga-ish (Turgic) pose

3. Prom Night
I never been to prom. So I say YOLO and went to one. I cost me shitloads of money but IT WAS WORTH IT. PERIOD. I'M NOT JOKING ON THIS

Manly stare

Tux and a white piano. How gentlemanly is that?

The prom gang

Manly man in suits and tie (bowtie)

Shir Lin, the bubbly girl in black

Heizen, the cute mashimaro who turned into a white angel

4. IftarOhsem

94fs very first iftar! With great people and great food.

The ohsem people. Take 1

Future Prime Minister and Future

Ali and Zik, being sweet 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I Hate Goodbyes

Warning. Emotional post ahead. Sorry, I tried repressing it but I can't

Close eyes, open eyes, close eyes, open eyes.

There are now less then 30 days before a huge double decker metal bird will take me away from a place called Malaysia and fly me off to the New World Of Opportunity. Everyday, without fail, I would daydream of a certain scene in an airport and emotions bubbled inside me. Hypothetical tears become increasingly real with every repetition. Faces of family and friends flashed with their bittersweet smile and encouraging goodbyes. The smell of McDonalds of KLIA. God, I hate that smell. I swear to myself not to visit any McDs to prevent my memory from triggering again.

Why so emo lah?

I don't know. I should be excited and happy that there are now less than a month left before I fly off. Flying to the States to study has been one of my greatest teenage dream and it is finally becoming real but why am I sad and slightly angry at this?

Maybe because time passed to fast. The Man of  the Clockwork is trolling me by setting time in 'fast forward' mode and laugh maniacally at my blissful ignorance of time until I realized that time has ran out. Time to spend with family and friends and pets and acquaintances. Time to let memories, good and bad sink into my grey matter.

But maybe that's not it. Maybe it is something different that is causing this bubbling madness of emotions in me. No, it is not the Man of the Clockwork's fault although I really wish to put all the blame onto him. So, what is it?

I hate goodbyes

Yes, maybe that's it. I hate goodbyes. I really do. But isn't that ironical for me? I never cried in any graduation/farewell party before. Seriously, I never ever cry so, why am I so sensitive with goodbyes? The thing is, I am sensitive to goodbyes. I just stash it away into the depths of my mind and repress it like I always did with my other emotions. Wait, that's an oxymoron too? An emotionless Nazran? Bullshit

But see, I have a really strong facade to hide whatever I am feeling current all in the name of logic and rationality. I should not feel like this. Think objectively. Think objectively. THINK OBJECTIVELY

Maybe that's the reason why I can't really express myself well. Wait, another oxymoron? Yes, I'm a good adaptor too. I see social context and fit in perfectly, saying things people want to hear and what not. Fake? Meh, it is called being smart.

Enough digression. The point here is, I hate goodbyes. Yeah sure, we have Facebook, Twitter, Skype and what not to keep in touch but things will never be the same. It will never, shall ever never be the same. And that scared me shitless.

If you read what I wrote a few months by about fear, maybe you would understand. The fear to take a step forward is more frightening than experience the current fear instill into you. That's what I'm going through right now. I'm scared. I'm insecure. I'm afraid.

That's why I hate goodbyes. Goodbyes are the signal of a new beginning. Although I condone the act of starting something new, I can't deny of the fact that I am still scared shitless of that idea.

Will I be crippled by fear?
Hell no. The Nazran writing this one hell of an emotional blog post is just a part of a whole Nazran in the Great System of Nazrans in the Naz-Brain. The optimistic and motivated part of me will surely override this insecure Nazran soon. But again, that doesn't mean I purge my fear altogether. The fear is there, just repressed.

With less than a month left, I think this is a good time to spend it with friends, family and lover. Yeah, that sounds about right. Of course, tears will be shed in the night of the 20th but I'm going to make sure that those tears will be the testament of my 'Why I am going to US'. Tears are expensive. Must make them worth it.

Oh yeah, I haven't really settled 100% of my college preparation so I guess you can say some of the fear is originating from there.

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

The Origins: Celebrating 100th Post on Nazranvision



I can't believe it, after only a year since revival the new nazranvision has reached its 100th post. First of all, I would like to thank myself (selves) for always updating this blog though at times it may gather dust due to writer's block and what not. Thank you Nazran. Thank you Railzan. Thank you Kanzaki

And thank you! Yeah, YOU. Oi, you la the one reading this. Yeah, you. Because without you, I wouldn't have any reason to update this blog. Seeing my views rising slowly and steadily is one of my favorite past times and oh boy, it sure gave me a good high.

To commemorate this post, I shall do a simple FAQ (Yes, FAK FAK FAK!) regarding nazranvision

So, why the heck would you name your blog 'nazranvision'? That was lame
I. Have. No. Idea. Maybe because my 16 years old self thinks it is cool. Come on, I was a teenager when I first created this blog and teenagers are stupid. ALL teenagers are stupid.

I heard somewhere along the way, nazranvision was shut down. Really ah?
Yeah. Due to some unforeseen circumstances, nazranvision was shut down on 19th February 2011. Then over a year later, nazranvision was reborn.

What is the purpose of nazranvision?
To tell you the truth, I first blog because I want to show my crush my writing skills. So I wrote diary entries of my life and all in a wacky writing style to get her attention. She didn't work out though but this blog did. After the shut down, nazranvision was revived as a 'philosophically deep and inspiring blog' where I write some ambiguous and general stuffs without a personal taste of 'me'. But then, this is my blog. It should have something about me! So after that, nazranvision just blog. I can write whatever I want to and no one can stop me!....except for myself (selves)

You always mentioned Railzan and Kanzaki. Who or what are they?
Railzan and Kanzaki are figments of my personality. See, I get confused with myself often. I pride myself with my facade and my adaptability to the world, resulting very contrasting traits and personalities to exist within me. In order to save myself from an identity crisis, I organize/relate my personalities into 'persons'. Railzan and Kanzaki are two parts of an opposing spectrum and whatever in between is Nazran. Railzan is my perfectionist, organized, logical and rational side with his bombastic words spamming, long convoluted sentences and his disregard for the human emotions. Kanzaki is my feminine and softer side and also my source of extraversion, enthusiasm and the love for humans in general.

Oh I see, then who is Nazran?
Nazran is everything here and there and in between. Yes, that's deep and I shall leave it there.

How does nazranvision changed you?
Nazranvision changed me in more ways than I could imagine. The shut down of nazranvision in 2011 thought me a valuable lesson and serves as a harsh wake up call. Nazranvision is also the reason I found one of my closest friends through the blogosphere and also my beloved group of inspiring teens, the 94 Congress. Nazranvision helped me a lot to build up my maturity. Try reading my earlier posts and my later post. You can see an evolution in thought and writing style. This my friend, is the fruits of my maturity...and nazranvision played a part in garnering and immortalizing that.

So, what now for nazranvision?
To stay awesome. Yes, nuff said.

Again, I would like to thank all of you who always read my blog post no matter how random or long/short it is. Without you guys, this blog will be dead in days. Yes, you guys are the oxygen for this blog. Never. Stop. Reading.

With that, nazranvision's 100th post:


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

A Fast Rant Regarding Fasting Month


Happy Ramadhan everybody! We, from Nazranvision team would like to wish you guys happy fasting. Do good. Be good. And stay good.

Because most of the topic I had in mind now are either not suitable to be posted online or not suitable to be posted during this time period. Since Ramadhan has just begun, I would like to strike while the iron is hot and send you guys a message via (seemingly) random rants

1. Those people who 'transform' into an angel during Ramadhan

Yes, these kinds of people exist. They were...well, not really bad during other months but they were not good either. Skipping prayers, cursing and revealing all is there to reveal as if the world is stamped with their name in big red block letters. Then, Ramadhan came and they suddenly undergo a metamorphosis into an angel with sanctimonious tweets, soft spoken words and perfect religious program. Now, what can you say about these people?

"Siot, bajet baik je. Dah setan, setan ar. Pui"
"Bajet bagus. Nak menunjuk ar tu time2 Ramadhan ni. Hak tui"
"Munafik. Nakharom"

Chill my brothers and sisters. Why the hate? Although yeah, they 'might' be faking it but see, it doesn't change the fact that they are 'doing' it. Yeah, chances are they might not know what they are doing and that's good; we, as the 'enlightened' one should show them the way. See, fakes can be original. By faking their alignment towards good, they are trying to imitate the original. Isn't that a good thing, right?

But noooooo. Our so called 'enlightened' group scurried their 'Bashing Machine Guns' and condemn these people into oblivion. Hurtful words and remarks that is so cruel, you would not believe that he/she is someone who is 'enlightened'. And these 'fakes' who generally functions closely with society's perception say, "Hey, you know what. Screw this crap. I'm going to be true to myself and drop the act". Hence, these 'fakes' stop faking and continue their original lifestyle.

Yeah, this might be an exaggeration and over generalization but this is a very plausible and might be real scenario. 'Enlightened' people, as much as you think you can control people, I am here to say, "You can't". What you can control though is your reaction and action towards an external stimuli; in this case, the 'fakes'. By noticing the root of the problem (The fakes trying to imitate the original), a truly 'enlightened' person would take this opportunity rather than to let it slip.

So yeah, stop bashing these 'fakes' and try to help them out instead!

2. Hey, Ya Non-Muslim. You Need To Respect Us! Here is 1001 Things You Can't Do 

"Non-Muslim, we would like you to respect us Muslim while we are fasting. Please don't bla bla bla bla"

Kay, I'm not denying the fact that non-muslim should have some respect towards us fasting Muslim. It is common sense not to dangle food in front of a fasting person without risking to awake the monster inside of him/her. But people are abusing it by taking this concept a little bit too far. Worse, they are actually forcing it down our non-Muslims companion's throats.

"Don't RT food pictures"
"Don't wear sleveless"
"Don't show me your aurat-exposed face"
"Don't talk to me. I might get aroused"
"Walao, still do the thing I told you not to. You $%^& racist. Ci$%^&*( Ke$%^&*() Tut tut tut"

(Again, exaggeration but you get what I mean)

Which I would like to respond as "WOW! So power your convictions are! Bravo!" Are your willpower that 'cikai' that you get turned on by a simplest exposure of aurat of a non-Muslim. Kay, I putting it out that I don't know the proper hukum of that but I kinda pity my non-Muslim friend who got bash because she didn't wear a tudung during Ramadhan. I mean, why should she? It is not her religious obligation whatsoever so she don't have responsibility to wear it. This act of forcing our religious views down into others throat is a toxic behavior indeed.

I mean, yeah, we need to uphold Islam as a religion and all. But to shove our 'Islam' into our non-Muslim friends is not upholding Islam at all; in fact, you're tainting it with the image of 'All Muslims are extremist fanatics who lived in their own world'

Have a bit of respect too. And maybe you will receive respect in a truckload

3. ????

Dammit. I'm out of rants to rant. I need ideas on Ramadhan, FAST! (See what I did there?)

Sunday, July 7, 2013

To Love Thyself

I'm going to post this quote and the link to the whole video. Watch it. Very inspiring.

"And if you can’t see anything beautiful about yourself, get a better mirror. Look a little closer. Stare a little longer. Because there’s something inside you that made you keep trying despite how everyone told you to quit. You built a cast around your broken heart and signed it yourself, you signed it, They were wrong."

-To This Day, Shane Koyczan-

Dann, short blog post ever

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Of Perception and Pure Skill

Because I lack proper images

Hello everybody. It is a dull Friday (again) after a hectic week of non-stop outings and spending. So, what is better to spice up your Friday than reading of one my rants?

*crickets sounds*


So anyway, I had this nice conversation with a friend of mine about perception and skills. It goes something like this.

Friend: Eh, don't you think that perception is more powerful than skill?
Me: Explain
Friend: Like, I noticed that I am able to hone my skills better after I got this scholarship...and I got this scholarship mainly because of perception
Me: Really meh? *deep thought*

Disclaimer: Event may not be 100% accurate but you get the gist of it

After a deep thought and philosophical ranting with the two people inside my head, I came to a conclusion


Now, before you start debating with me with concrete arguments, let me explain my thought process here. I define perception as how you exhibit yourself to the world around you and pure skill as your personal ability. Putting the definitions in, I'm saying that how you exhibit yourself to the world around you is more important than your personal ability

Why is that?

Because although you and everyone else has their own unique personal ability and skill like good memory, ability to ace test, athletics ability etc, ultimately, only the holder of the said ability truly know that they possess that ability. Moving forward, this means that although you know that you have that ability, others won't.

For example, you know that you have a talent for playing chess. Now, if you meet someone new, will they know that you're good in playing chess just by talking to you for five minutes? Unless that person is a mentalist, I highly doubt it. Even if you say "I'm a chess player" or "I am good at chess", that person can really 'know' that you are 'that good' at chess.

Unless, you really plant in the idea that you are good in chess

Now, here is where perception came in. To make that person know that you are good in chess, you would need to show him or her. No, you'd not need to pull out a chess board or anything but maybe you can just say "I played chess in tournaments before"

Boom. Perception changed.

Just by adding the word 'tournament', the other person will get the idea of you holding a chess tournament medal/trophy and quickly conclude that you are good in chess. Although in reality you may ended up last in many tournaments, but that doesn't matter. You showed them an image of a tournament, but not really your skill. They, themselves concluded that you are good in chess. Now, you are perceived as good in chess. Objective achieved.

How can we relate it to real life? I mean, what significant of knowing that perception is more important than skill?

See, to survive in life, you'll need to look good. Looking good here is not looking good physically but it is the image others perceived you to be. Although you may not have the skill, but by looking good, you will be able to hone that said skill. A simple example would be my own scholarship interview.

I admit, I lack the skills required to be a Bank Negara scholar. Although my academic and cocurriculum track records are well above average, I lack the 'zing' to be a BNM scholar. But then, during the interview, I perceive myself as 'The Guy That Should Be A Scholar' and I plant that image into my interviewers mind. In doing so, I got the scholarship and because of the opportunity that came afterwards, I became 'The Guy That Should Be A Scholar' (Woah, it is like super bragging and crap. But bear with me and take in the message) Opportunities to obtain 'pure skill' is opened up by using 'perception'

But then, maybe it is an isolated case....or it is?

Ever been to a MLM function before? Are those people in front wearing their suits and ties and looking all nice and fancy that skilled and rich? Chances are, they are not....probably. But they successfully planted that image into the audience mind and because of that, they WILL be that skilled and rich guy/girl.

"Perception is the key."

After note: Now, you may have noticed some gaping holes in my arguments above. I noticed that too and it was intentional. You know, to make something to be debated upon. So yeah, what do you think about perception?

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Effort Rationalization

"If you want to achieve something, work hard. If you can't, work harder"
-Railzan Kurhna

Hello people! Here am I writing a new blog post early in the morning. The first time ever since I graduated from Taylor's. So, in this lovely morning I shall write about something called 'effort rationalization'

What is effort rationalization? It is an act of thinking about your efforts to put into an action, prompting you to decide to put in more effort or to put in less. To put it simply, you think and control whether to work harder or to work less. This effort rationalization is a heck of a skill to master because you can make yourself more efficient by controlling the amount of effort you put into an action. Hence, no effort is wasted.

Another way to see effort rationalization is by relating it to stabilization policy in Macroeconomics. Sure, the economy and yourself has a 'self-correcting' mechanism to correct itself/yourself in times of boom and slack but it will be too slow. To put it in a personal context, by the time you realized that you are putting too much effort in winning the heart of a girl you like, you had already spent so much money and time for her that it is not worth it anymore. Hence, effort rationalization should kick in.


Effort rationalization is just like stabilization policy. Meaning while you won't go down as bad as it should, you also won't go up as high as it should. You are chained to not be at the bottom spot AND the top spot. You are trapped in the middle. You become average. Just like the economy, you are stuck in the middle income trap. Your life is good. It won't go down and to go up, it takes 'too much effort'. Complacency kicked in and you can say hello to the average life.

Look around you, no, look at yourself. Can you see the effect of effort rationalization in you? You can't? Think again, have you said this?

"Ala, B pon B la. Cukup ok la tu"
"Nombor 7 pon ok la. At least aku tak bottom 10"
"Perlu ke aku study lagi? Aku rasa cukup untuk pass ni"

You my friend is a victim of effort rationalization. True, it helps at times but this is abuse.



Sunday, June 23, 2013

Hope or Fear


I iz back! After five days of fun (read:torture) in the middle of the jungle without internet and phone connection, I'm back into my concrete jungle with 20mbps unifi.

So, what's up? Well there is nothing much to talk about the camp....heh, I lied. Actually there is ALOT of things that can be discussed regarding the BTN camp. A LOT. But worry not my readers. I won't pull off a controversial political post with Revolusi and Bersih and PR and BN and Perkara 153 bla bla bla. I won't risk the ISA or something barging into my home and capturing me. *shivers*

Today, I will be talking about Hope and Fear. Before that, here is a disclaimer

The following post did not represent any parties, groups or factions and it is wholly based on the author's own point of view. It is just an opinion meaning it is may or may not be true. Healthy debate is encourage but baseless slight is not welcome.

What does hope and fear has to do with BTN camp? It's related to the fundamental element used by BTN to 'brainwash' and indoctrinate their participant to serve the country. In their module, they have various topics covered like Equality, Malaysia's law and the Constitution but to deliver those topics they resorted into one very fundamental element: fear

How do they instill fear? Simple. They compare with another 'worse' country like Palestine, Syria dan Turki. They elucidate very clearly the worst case scenario that could happen if you don't serve the country and be thankful to the government. The module operates from the top down, meaning they deconstruct the fall of a nation from the top.

A good example is one of the question stated in the module : Which is more important for a country? Education, Social, Politics or Economics?

Personally, I think the answer is education. Reason being is that education forms the basis of progress and it is also the glue to sustain a nation. Without a proper education, one could not change his fate. Without education, a nation would just stay stagnant and without any progress.

But what is the answer given by the module? Politics. Reason: Without politics, a nation would go into chaos. It is quiet logical for a nation to crumble when the government fails. If they is no one to control and supervise the people, people can just do anything we want...and people are not as rational as we thought. Examples given was Palestine, Syria and Egypt.

Notice the difference? With education, you are looking forward and finding a way to become better. That is hope. With politics, you are looking down and trying to find a way so you won't fall down. That is fear. As stated earlier, the BTN module operates on the basis of instilling fear into the hearts of the young. They showed the bottom of the barrel in the worst possible way and expect you to keep on climbing if you don't know to fall down.

Is it bad?

Heck no. Inspiration via fear has been done a lot of time and it is not a bad way to inspire a nation. Thinking back, we as humans progress in the name of fear during prehistoric ages. To survive, we need to keep on moving forward. Kill, eat and thrive in the wilderness. For a moment if you give up, you die. Don't want to die, keep on living. Simple.

But see, fear essentially forces us to dwell in the scars of past mistakes. As long as we didn't fall into the void, we are okay...even if we are merely inches away from falling down. Hey, that is better than falling down, right? As long as the worst case scenario doesn't happen, it is good enough. The notion of 'Kita patut bersyukur kerana ia boleh menjadi lebih teruk' is a possible notion but relying on this alone will force the whole nation to be complacent and to NEVER PROGRESS FORWARD

If we use hope as a method of inspiration, what will happen instead? We will look up and forward. We can see our end point as a nation clearly. There is a saying that if you want to inspire our workers to build a ship, show them the beautiful vastness of the ocean. When we can see our end point, we can strategised and plan our next step towards progress. Effectively when we progress forward, we escape the void of worst case scenarios.

Now isn't that a better way to inspire a group of hopeful young individuals?

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Selfishness. Bad?

To be honest with you guys, I was really thinking of writing about SPARTFEST and the joys of arts and music as I strut the corridors of my campus ogling all the artsy spartsy stuff and let my ears be serenaded by music of all kinds.

But then, I changed my mind. So, here is a picture to sum the SPARTFEST experience

And on to today's topic: Selfishness

The following post may or may not be emo depends on the tone of the voice inside your head that reads out everything you read into your internal microphone and the current song in your playlist.

Now, you may be wondering, why did Nazran chose such an emo topic to blog about? The answer is simple: Because I wanted to. See, I am being selfish right now. In reaction to that, you may produce a frown on your cute/handsome face with the thought of 'what a jerk, I need real answers dammit' flashing upon your mind. Now, you may deny that you don't have that thought in mind but that is just wishful thinking. It is natural for you to have that kind of thought and it is okay.

Selfishness has long been a 'bad, uncivilized' trait to have. Being selfishness sends a signal to everyone else that you either lack the social awareness to function in a typical social environment of the modern age or you are just big gaping A-hole. Selfishness breaks to order of our social dynamics by fulfilling the needs of a certain individual. 

Our planet's ecosystem works on the basis of helping each other out. Even in the case of a fly was eaten by a frog, that fly is actually helping the frog to survive by being its food. That noble little insects forgone its wife, kids and friends just to be broken down into nutrition of molecular size for the frog to use. That is an absence of selfishness. Imagine a scenario (might be a bit ridiculous but bear with me nonetheless), where the fly refuse to be the food of the frog. That selfish fly refuse to hang out at the typical spot for it to be hunted and to opt for chilling out at home, drinking fly beer, playing with the kids and fornicating with its wife. Other flies seeing that selfish fly enjoying its time would also opt to be selfish too. What would happen to the frog, then? Dies. What happen to snakes that eat frogs? Dies, or opt for other sustenance. 

The point is, when you're being selfish others lose out. You cut the line because you want your food faster, other who waited for so long will have to wait longer. You pick up the last Pau Kacang in your school canteen, other will never get it. You, not giving out your homework for your friend to copy, they don't finish their homework and get suspended. You, by being selfish are disrupting nature and everyone knows that disrupting nature is not cool, bro.

Intermission~~ Source:
But wait!

Most of those examples, although selfish by nature, those ARE the right thing to do. I am going to screw your mind by saying selfishness is natural too. 

Wait, What the Fishcake?

See, although we live in the ever-connected, ever-related world, we are still, no matter what happen, living OUR OWN LIVES. Whatever we do everyday is to stay alive and be in the game of life until our end came to us. Until then, we can't avoid to be so selfless. Because not matter what you do, there will be winners and losers. There are the strong and the weak. And for you to keep on going in life, you must be selfish!

Butt weight!

As stated earlier, you can't be so overly selfish too. That will...well, disrupt nature. And disrupting nature is not cool... So yeah, balance in everything is important.

The point is....?

The reason why I am writing this post is because I am in a huge dilemma of becoming super selfish and super selfless. And to organize myself better (and to a certain extent, console myself) I write and babble in this blog. Henceforth, this post about selfishness.

You see, I am a generally nice guy and quite selfless too. I don't mind sacrificing my time and energy to something that is worth my investment (highlight that part. See, I don't do favors like a dog) The conflict came when between quite unimaginable happened.



There you have it. The thing is I am flying off to the land of opportunity this August. Even so, that doesn't change the fact that I had fell in love. Two constant: 1) I'll be flying off in August. 2) I fell in love. One thing that struck my mind: This is going to be complicated

Two ways to tackle this.

1)Be selfish and confess
2)Be selfless and held it all in

Again, the only thing that struck my mind is this is going to be complicated.

To be selfish or selfless? Which path should I take to preserve the balance of the universe? (heh)

Sunday, June 2, 2013



I am here, laying down on the floor
Enclosed by these four walls of pure agony
As the sounds of my breathing echoed through the box
Silence that is loud
Loudness that is silent
Here in this room
Here is this world I created
I am alone
-Railzan Kurhna

Now, you may be wondering why the sudden change of writing style and mood. Simply put, Kanzaki is not here which is good because this blog needs a bit more serious tone as what it was originally: a simple philosophical, metaphorical and deep blog. So today we will be talking about loneliness; something that is not alien to most of us.

It sucks to be alone. To be that one person who doesn't have a pair. To be that one person left out from the social circle. To be that one person staying home during a campus-wide party. To be stranded in the middle of nowhere without anyone as accompany. To be lonely SUCKS. Humans being innately social creatures to begin with need company to survive. The absence of company is a state of loneliness and this violates our own human nature. Humans can not be lonely. It is just...wrong.

But loneliness is not just an absence of company, it is also an absence of connection. One can know alot of people and often surrounded of them but still feels lonely. It is because there is no connection from the people he knows; no connection deep enough to fill the loneliness in his/her heart. And just like the absence of company, the absence of connection SUCKS as well.

Why am I complaining about being lonely SUCKS?
Am I...lonely?

My dear readers, maybe I am but isn't that weird? I have a family. I have friends that spans five to six social levels. I have pets to snuggle during rainy days. There is no absence of company or absence of connection in my life, yet I do feel alone at times.


Humans are indeed innately social creatures but the action of dwelling and surrendering oneself's to society causes one to eventually lose his or her own voice.

Wait, what? Lose his or her own voice?

Yes my dear readers, losing our own voice is possible especially when you are always socializing with others. Their views, the collective views of society will assimilate itself into you until the line that separates the two of them blurred and ultimately what society is, you are. You will be able to think for yourself, ask yourself questions or be yourself because you lost your voice due to the fact you are always listening to the voice of others.

Loneliness solves this problem. By being all by yourself and removing all connection, you stand with your own two feet. The only voice you hear is the voice of your own. By being isolated, you are able to think for yourself, not to satisfy the views of society. By being alone, you are you in your purest form

So, yes. I do feel alone. Because before all of this great friends and acquaintances came into my life, I was alone. I experienced the purest form of me enabling me to think, formulate, reflect, and feel without the pressures of society. Because I was alone at first, I was able to break some that same loneliness. Irony, I know. And at times, I just wish to escape to that same void called loneliness so I can hear myself again and be me in the purest form of me.

Loneliness isn't that bad.
It is just a mere choice.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

My Three Weeks of Fun



No, it doesn't read as 'I am back people', btw. Put a damn comma.

Andddddd I am back from the dead. After the epic aftermath of GE 13, followed by the super stress finals week, I am finally on my break. Though it was sad that I'll be leaving Taylor's ADP forever and ever (And the thank you post has gathered dust in my dashboard) So I'll take this opportunity to thank everyone who had made my time in Taylor's ADP fun and memorable. :)


So, now what? With holidays lengthy and feels like it will never end. (I'm so going to regret this later), I was left with boredom. But see, this is not like all the holidays I had been through before. This holiday is...well different. This three-month holiday will be my last holiday before I finally spread my wings and carry my overweight body to the New World aka United States of America aka The Country That Is So Free That You Can Bang A Cow And It Is Legal. With that in mind, I swore to myself to utilize my time well. The conscientiousness me (Read: Railzan) kicked into action and put up a general to-do-list for the holidays

Nazran's To-Do-List before Flying to US
by Railzan and Kanzaki

1. Spend time with family and friends and friends of friends
2. Visit school often and help out
3. Enlighten thyself
4. Prepare all da documents
5. Meet some new people
6. Explore Malaysia
7. Create a League of Legends account
8. Find a girlfriend 

So, with that in mind, let's tackle the top of the list: Spending time with family and friends (And friends of friends) This takes the top of the list because I feel sad when I think of leaving behind such awesome family and friends behind to pursue my dreams. So I scroll through my friend's list and made plans with everyone and hopefully, I can cover them all.

Seriously, if you wanna lepak with me. Roger2 me fast. I really wanna spend time with you gaissss!

So three weeks has passed since I made that list. What is my progress?

I'm proud to say that I (think I) made quite a progress. 

First of all there's the SWAG E-Sports group consist of Axel, Hanis, Eli, Azwan. I feel kinda guilty for not spending time with the during college. (Sorry, I was always) All the DotA games that  rejected will came back haunting me if I don't start spending time with them now. So, I did. We played DotA until the wee hours of the morning and then go for a quick bite at Siti Zubaidah (GG waistline) Even today, we went out to Lowyat to buy....well, gaming stuffs. Just like true buddies, we exchange racial jokes without any shit taken. Now that my friends, are the true 1Malaysia. Get it right, PM

Then, there is the SSP concert aka Flourishes. Perfect time to go and spend time with band member. So, rang up my musical pal, Arief and my pet sis, Afiqah and invite them. (I did invite Mike, but he no reply) The concert was so-so and me and Afiqah had a long talk during the traffic jam. Arief has his stocks of 'hot stories' readied to be shared. What? It is a great past time :3


I don't always camwhore, but when I do, I look horrible 

After that, the weekend came and along with it is the SUPERAWESOMEOMGITISCOMINGTOSMSSFINALLYAFTER40YEARS HKSBP. For ye foreigners out there (Oi, school-ist) HKSBP stands for Hari Kecemerlangan SBP and it is an event where every, I repeat, EVERY single SBP in the face of Malaysia will gather in one place (or three in SMSS' case) to fight it out in debate and basketball along with a grandious award ceremony for the kiasu and fabulous. And yes, it was held in my own alma mater, Sekolah Menengah Sains Selangor. Curious with the preparations, I dropped by at school once and it was a sight to behold. Teachers and students rushing everywhere to prepare and organize. For the first time ever, I saw the whole school getting hyped up for a single event. (Well, there's rugby but whatever)

I went to see the debate twice with my First Subang neighbour, Imran. It is funny when he disguise himself under the pseudonym 'Ching Meng' and effectively fooling everyone that he is a Chinese from Damansara (He is a Malay from ASIS btw)

And there's the Majlis Anugerah Cemerlang where I also dropped by to see how things are...Okay, I lied, Mike dragged me to it to meet his girlfriend, Ain. And what do you know, the very moment I stepped into the teachers attacked me with a request

"Can we help us? We need a PA for the emcee"

And me, being a Yes man I accepted their request (I lied, I just want to menyibuk) Hence, I was given the task as Fedtri Yahya (sp?) PA for the day. For those of ya anti government people, Fedtri Yahya is a host in MHI TV3. So again, I was dragged into a SBP event. What is best course of action now?


And poof! I'm in my school's batik as a disguise

Behold of my lack of calcium
I did talk to some of the current SBP student under the pseudonym of Asran Maskor (lame). But I had fun. Oh, I hang out with my band juniors too. Great to finally able to talk to them

And on Sunday there's the concert with PJPO. For me, it was...well, more of a performance than a full concert because I only have one song. Oh, the hardships of a saxophonist in a philharmonic orchestra. But the good side is, I became closer to my orchestra mates.
I'm not fat! I look big because I'm taking up air into my belly, I swear!

With the imba trumpeter, Nyzem

So nais. Full orchestra
Taylor's University Symphonic Orchestra

And finally, there is this busking thing I did for SPARTFEST. 30minutes of jamming songs like "When I Was Your Man" and "Careless Whisper" in a crowd that is....well, rich and loaded. Raised RM35 in 30 minutes. Woohoo~

Then Sherlyn gave me a 50% off Chatime as a reward. WORTH

Me and my middle split hair glory

Cash. So naiss

And that concludes my activity for three weeks! Well, not all of the activity I did, but whatever.

Oh, any ideas for what should I do next? I need ideas!

PS: To my loyal readers, you might ask 'Why the sudden change in writing style?". Blame Kanzaki for it. Seriously. Blame her -Nazran