Monday, February 25, 2013

Nazran's Tuesday/Thursday: The Hoppity-Hoppity Hop (With Poetry!)

Today's nazranvision post is brought to you by KuroUsagi-desu :333333

Before you could say, 'what the firetruck?', let me clarify the blog title of today. In the past week, I have been 'hopping' all around doing various activities that I could not even keep track of them. Hence, hoppity-hoppity hop (Cinderella reference, come on, tell me you get that...right?...right?)

So because of my hoppity-hoppity hop (I think I should stop now), I didn't have much time to make a proper Nazran's Tuesday/Thursday before. So I'm merging both(three?) of them together. Well, I did think about the alternative to ditch it all together but I have sworn to try and make the effort of keeping this project on going.

Exploring New Stuffs....maybe


Ah, menge-band. A lingo us Science Selangor people to describe people who went to the music room to practice and enjoy the sea of sounds and melody from various instruments aka band geeks. I admit it, I'm a band geek and I love to menge-band everyday in school. Even now, almost two years after graduating from high school, I still have the need to menge-band. It's a need but given my schedule, I can't fulfill it and so it builds up deep inside me: the need to menge-band

And fortunately, last week this need was addressed.

It was nearing the end of the Chinese New Year holiday. Most of my menge-band friends are on holiday (MOST except those matrik people) and plus, TheR, my school orchestra is having their practice during that time. Those two situation complement each other for a perfect setting to menge-band as, alumni.

It was a wonderful time with the orchestra again. So many new faces and new instruments. Those 'mentah' Form Two dudes and dudettes are now a full fledged Form Four senior. Honestly, I feel old as if decades has passed. And true to that, my way of thinking and speaking contrasted with theirs by a good measure. Oh well, they are still young.


Just me in my derp mode
The origin of 'da swag'. Saxy guys get surrounded by ladies easily

Menge-band buddies

2. Being All Emotional and Crap, Oh look, An Update!

It all started when I arrived home from college. Tired and low in energy, I dropped all of my things on my bed. Despite that, I hurried to my desk and booted up my laptop. I double clicked my 'Daily Importance' bookmark, spawning Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, and Youtube in a single click (Efficiency FTW). After the initial checks on FB, Twitter and Gmail, I opened Youtube and saw an update from XxImmortalImagexX. I clicked on it and....

This came out
It blows my mind. My heart was touched by the calm yet melancholic melody of the piano. Hundreds if not thousands of emotions ran through my mind including that break up and those events a few months ago. The poet/writer in me woke up and without knowing it, I opened a text document and started writing.

And this came out:

The Final Act of Girl 1: First Love
The Chronicles of The Typical Malay Love Story
(quite a mouthful? Just say Typical Malay Love)

It has been a while since I last updated this romantic venture of mine. Mostly because of business and also the fact that my emotional core, the essential part needed to write this piece here, was heavily damaged and I barricaded it deep inside because well, I don't want to be least not during that time when I barricaded it.

But that song simply removed it away. And my emotional core was up and running again.

Shamless marketing, I know. But almost no one read my blog so no harm in that.

You can read it here:

3. Chinese New Year Party...with girls...again
I won't write much. Just going to put a picture.

Be very very very jealous
4. Of Poetry and Haiku Writing

As mentioned earlier, recently my emotional core has been up and running after a full month of absence (or was it two? Not sure) Because of it, I find myself speaking/writing in metaphors and poetic language. I find myself to slip into deep emotional thought easily if these emotions are not immortalized on paper.

Hence, I write. Poetry, Nursery rhymes and also taught myself to write Haiku

Want a sample?
Hello, I'm a clown!
My job is to turn that frown,
upside down!
I'll juggle and jump, trip and fall,
And laughter resound through the hall.

Hey, I'm a clown! 
Don't care about my blood and pain,
If not my efforts will be in vain.
Broken and beaten, I don't mind,
As long as my show is doing fine.

Laugh at me
Smile for me,
But never care
As I can bear.

I can't cry, I'm a clown
I can't afford to put a frown.
Even though I'm sad and down,
But I'm not human, I'm a clown.

'Hati Terkubur'

Bolehkah ku bercinta?
Selepas hatiku telah disita
Tiada warna dlihat oleh mata
Hanya hitam dan putih merata-rata.

Mengapa ini terjadi?
Sebab berlakunya tragedi
Membuatkan hatiku terkujur semadi
Apa salahku sebentar tadi?

Hancur, binasa segala jiwa,
Ibarat azab perit diturunkan dewa,
Dirasa beban sejak Adam dan Hawa,
Beban hati dihancur pelbagai peristiwa.

Lenyap, tiada perasaan.
Hatiku terkunci, terlindung daripada tekanan,
Sudahlah dengan pesanan-pesanan,
Aku bercinta wujud sebagai khayalan.

(Each space is a separate Haiku)

Falling leaves dosed with tears, 
in a sunset of a thousand emotions. 
A friend that is lost

The pitch blackness of sky, 
swallowing luminous fireflies. 
A beautiful melancholy

Falling summer rain, 
heart beating rhythm.
 Of jazz

Spring of new beginnings, 
blossoming hearts.
 As sweet as aspartame

Awkward summer day,
 of hormonal teenagers.
 Fluttering hearts

And that's all for this block update! Support me so I can get this done until the end of the semester!
KuroUsagi is happy that you support me

Saturday, February 9, 2013

The Past,Future and Present

For quite a time, I've been posting about Nazran this, Nazran that, Nazran here, Nazran there. There was a time when I first reopen this blog and I said, "I will not put it any personal info here. Here pure inspirational/philosophical bullshits." Well, how short-lived is that resolution. *sigh*

So, today Nazranvision will go back to its roots: As a medium for me to express my views/opinions/assertions at the most 'Nazran' way. (At times, maybe augmented by Railzan and Kanzaki. You know, the 'alter ego') I strive to keep it like this for a while until I gather enough determination to open a new blog specially to cater the rantings of those two alter ego of mine.

Without further delay, today's topic is:

The Past, The Future and Present

Tell me if you're familiar with these terms. Well, of course you are. These terms are ways of us mere humans to define time. What already happen is past. What is going to happen is future. And what is happening currently is present. So, what about them?

You may think that these three terms are nothing but mechanism to define time. But in actuality, they hold so much more. The past, future and present are mechanics to shape ourselves. In other words, we are define as who we are by our past, future and present. Make sense?

Let us say we are looking at an average married Malay guy working as a civil servant in his thirties.

He is defined by his past: He went to school. Get a diploma. Get a job in the governmental office
He is defined by his future: He is working hard because he needs to support his future children

Wait, where is the present?
I don't know.

Now, about is quite different from past and future. You see, past is definite and it is accumulating with every second. Heck, this piece of writing is what I define as my past. When you guys are reading this, it is because I wrote it in the past. From here onwards, this blog post is my history. Same goes to you. What you did yesterday is your past. What you did 5, 10 years ago is the past. It will remain there. Definite and neverchanging because it is the past. It is over and done with, but it will remain in the fabrics of history as your past.

Future is different from the past. Future is indefinite. According to quantum theory, future is but a possibility. At this very moment of typing this blog post, I have an infinite future that I can arrive to. Same goes to you. Anything can happen. And that anything will become your future. Unlike past, future can flicker in and out of existence with each passing second or heck, fractions of a second. It won't remain there, it won't be there until the time when you actually 'see' it

Then what is present? Present is Present is the key that links you with your past and future. Your present will be your past and the immediate future, determined be your past present, will become your present. And the cycle continues. What you do in the present determine your past and future.

Joke jap.

Sounds easy, no?

Well, life doesn't work that way. The simple task of living in the present is hard. People tend to live in the past or live in the future rather than now.

Why is that?
Paranoia I guess. Or maybe inferiority.
But why?

"If only I studied earlier..."
"If only my past self is smarter..."
"If only I rejected this offer...."
"If only I was born in a rich family..."

Why dwell on the past when the past is inscribed and indelible?

"Why did I fail? I can't get to college like this"
"I'm a future CEO. I can't act like this."
"Why I can't do such a simple task? I will fail like this."

Why dwell on the future when the future is nothing but a mere possibility?

Both past and the future shapes you. But you don't exist is both of them. You don't exist in the past. You don't exist in the future. You exist now in the present. It is here in the present that will determine what kind of past or future you'll have.

Snap out of it. Forget the past. Forget the future. Everything is about now, the present. Present...hey, isn't that the same word for 'gift'?

Yes, the present is a gift to you. A gift from time to us humans to shape our past and future. And with that, we shape our ownselves.

Go on.
Live in the present.
And you will see your past and future take shape in front of you 

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Nazran's Tuesday: Serious Stuffs...Yeah, Serious Stuffs All The Way


With the failure of last week's Nazran's Thursday, I swore in all my power that this Tuesday MUST be special and filled with activity. (Productive or non-productive) Seriously, I really hate it when my plans go sour just because a stupid flu decided to hit in a very crucial time. To make sure that today is a success, I put on my ultra powerful, level 78, fully upgraded with tier-3 enhancement charms, legendary drop GAME FACE
Game face: On. Now, you're screwed
SERIOUS STUFF #1: The Great Economic Debate of the Golden Arches

I start off the day with an annoying ringtone from IRIS (aka Iphone). I thought it was my alarm but it wasn't. It was a call from a certain Afro Pendekar, effectively disturbing my beauty sleep. Obviously annoyed, I woke up, stretch my overweighted frame and do a simple breathing exercise (Old band habits die hard) In less than 15 minutes, I went from full derpy sleepy Nazran to sleek, readied Nazran with a game face that rivalled Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star. (minus the muscle)

Now, why did the Afro Pendekar summoned me so early in the morning? Because we have a mission. Yes, I gruesome mission to formulate an opinion based on an international tragedy filled with insights, aspiration and hope. Not only that, we were also given the task to dig down into the depths of the 'Jala Dalam' (read: internet) to find golden treasures of information, facts and maybe trivia to be presented to our lord also augmented by our opinions to give it a gold-plated shine.

In other words, we have an economics assignment due on Friday. Soooooo yeah

Our choice of venue? McDonalds...because it's the only place with Wifi, conducive environment and opens very early in the morning.

Right after a hearty feast at the depths of Calorie Hell (Supplemented by Malaysia's Worst Coffee aka Black Diluted Water of Pure Agony) The notorious Afro Pendekar of the West and myself, the self proclaimed Ahli Fatsampah drew our hypothetical intellectual swords and do battle with the dragon named "Macroecons Assignment"

I might say, the discussion was pretty intense. It was not long before we go off tangent and discuss other issues as well. From discussion our opinions on unemployment, we quickly escalate into figuring out how Keynesian economics work, how Malaysia's economy going to fare in the future, sharing links on economics and philosophy and controversial blogs, and finally, the flaws of education system in Malaysia.

Alas, we fail to sly the ferocious dragon of Macroeconomics but we gain something else. A bunch of gold, also known as insights

Oh, what the Afro Pendekar also inspire me to do the next Serious Stuff

SERIOUS STUFF #2: Recalibrating CHRM.SYS Data Storage For Optimum Performance

CHRM.SYS? It's just an embellished name for my Chrome web browser. The Afro Pendekar's neat organization of bookmarks made me jealous. For months, I've been holding off to organize my bookmarking system which it bad because I tend not to bookmark interesting sites/articles because to not to add up to the mess at hand. 


Today shall be remembered as the day where Nazran re-organized his Chrome bookmarks into several distinctive categories and promise that he will bookmark more and more interesting 'stuffs' to make his own library of personal enrichment and enjoyment.

Stupid tech-blind Nazran. Donnoe how to zoom in the browser *facepalm*

Because of the tech-blind me who can't figure out how to zoom in, the categories are:
-Daily Importance (Like FB, Twitter, Gmail, Youtube. The top priority to open first)
-Entertainment (The longest list of bookmarks. Games, anime and funny stuff goes here)
-Learn (Khan Academy, Coursera, Taylor's Portal. For my inner nerd)
-Economics (Deserves a category of its own. For future work references)
-Blogs (All those blogs I follow. Controversial, non-controversial alike)
-Articles (News articles that deserves to be referred to from time to time)
-Inspirational (Specially reserve for pick-me-ups and philosophical joy)
- Moe Fun (For...hehe...private this:)

Hence, I believe with this improvement I can improve productivity...somehow...


Imma going to learn how to use Fruity Loops. No, it's not a kind of sweet or delicacy. It is a-

*ehem* I apologize for the caps and bold.
So, I found a master to teach me how to make beats and songs via FL Studio aka Fruity Loops Studio.
It's a popular program to make your own beats and songs. Most pros use FL to make their professional songs. 
Complicated stuff everywhere. @_@

The one hour crash course session ended up with my very first beat. Enuf said, I have something to do during the holidays. Weeee~~

Oh, and on the way back, my Master give some words of wisdom that I forever immortalize in my very own Black Journal of Epiphanies, Insights and Random Crap.

So, I guess with THREE serious stuffs done today, I think I make up for the failure of last week's Nazran's Thursday. So, what should I do this Thursday? Don't know...

Oh yeah, I need to be a tutor.
That will be fun

Monday, February 4, 2013

Twisted Beyond Repair...or a Normal Psychological Phenomenon

Now, for you guys who are wondering 'Where the hell is last week's Nazran's Thursday'? Well, I got sick and down with a flu. So, all my plans were cancelled...unfortunately.

"Wah, a bit of flu also you cancel everything. You lack will power"

Yeah, yeah, sheesh...

Now, which brings me to the topic at hand. Have you ever wonder, who the heck is talking up there? Yeah, the "Wah, a bit of flu also you cancel everything. You lack will power". If you read my previous post, you'll see 'someone' questioning or commenting the points I'm writing. This 'person' will interject and give his own view out of nowhere. But then, you will ask.

"Isn't that you, Nazran?"

Here's the scary part.
It is and it is not.

"Wait, what the hell are you talking about?"

See? Told ya. It's an instinctive thing where some part of me will immediately interject or question the view I currently hold. Sometimes when I write, this 'person' came out natural. 

I don't know what is going on. I don't know it is a mere delusion or fantasy of mine or it is really true. That a 'person' exist in me who is me but acts and thinks kinda differently. You know, I really love making up my own quotes and whatnots but sometimes I wonder,

 "Where the heck do they came from?"

Because those quotes, some of them, contradicts my values and code of ethics, but 'I' made them. Then the question is, which 'I' made them? 

It's a blessing that currently I'm living alone in my apartment for almost 2 months now. Sure, isolation can be sad and depressing at times but this quite time is absolutely conducive for me to gather my own thoughts and somehow make sense of it.

It's not quite hard. I just close my eyes and think. Just talk within the walls of my mind. It was not surprising to hear 'someone' else replying to my thoughts. You know, like your conscious interacting with your. It's kinda surreal but I experienced it. You know what is scary?

There is more than one voice


But really, there are two distinctive personalities aside from my own. Upon further thought, both of them are apparent in my daily interactions without me knowing. It's like they took over my mind and projected their own personality. Which is why I have this 'personality fluctuations' as described by my friends though it is easily concluded as mood swings.

To help you out, so far this is how 'they' are

Male #1 aka Railzan Kurhna (I called him that. Anagram of Khairul Nazran)
Personality: Hard-headed social maverick who is overly outspoken and critical towards everything. His view of friends and love is farrrrrr off from mine. Kinda twisted. Very very very driven. 
How he differs from me: I'm not a social maverick. I DO conform to society whether I like it or not. I believe  I'm not as motivated as he is. And his views on love is kinda disturbing. 

Female #1 (yes a female. Aka Kanzaki Haruna)
Personality: A confident lady with a sheer amount of diligence. Very sharp and frank. Not much different from Railzan but she is much more gentle, almost motherly at times. Kinda sweet.
How she differs from me: She is a girl...duhhh

Wait, wait, wait. Isn't these your twithandle, Nazran? Are you sure you're not in your delusions?

Yes, both of Railzan and Kanzaki are my twithandle. I named them after it. I'm not sure if I'm in my delusions or not but the correlation of it is something I can't ignore. 

I can't help to think. Why do they exist? Why a male and female in somehow in my mind? I did read up on personalities and multiple personality disorder (Trust me, it is REALLY scary) and I found out that maybe...maybe them exist as a defense mechanism for my 'self'

Defense mechanism

In everyday life, your 'self' will be attacked by external factors. Sometimes, these factors are so strong that it forces the 'self' to make defense mechanisms.

If that is true, for what reason Railzan and Kanzaki exist to defend for?

My theory is they are the image of the person I wanted to be. I was bullied before and had the confidence level of a snail. I want to change the world but I'm afraid and scare to say a word to the public. I always wish to be more determined and diligent in everyday life. I always wanted to radiate warmth and hope to the people around me. Railzan and Kanzaki exist, somehow, because without me knowing it, I formed an image of myself in my mind of what I wanted to be

And day by day, I feel that sooner or later, I will be something like Railzan and Kanzaki. It's not actually copying their personality. It's becoming 'Nazran'. The true 'Nazran' that I have been suppressed for so long.

But have I reached that part yet?

"Hell no, man. More work to be done"
"But you can if you press on"

Talking to myself is weird. Definitely something wrong.
But hey, I learn something right?
Though it may not make sense but I wanted to share with you guys and get this thought of my chest.