Tuesday, December 11, 2012

The Sense of Fulfillment

A very 'deep' picture. Oh, it's so deep, I can't even see myself anymore

Recently, I began to question myself. Where is my fulfillment? In my times in college, I feel detached and isolated from everything even myself. I seek this fulfillment by mingling around with people and joining clubs, but it doesn't came to me. I still feel a bit hollow and empty.

And, one of my high school friends tweeted me, saying:

"Eh Nazran, my lecturer ask me about any passionate person I knew and I instantly thought of you"

My initial response was of course, flattered by that compliment but it hurts for some reason. I'm not that kind of person anymore. I'm hollow and empty, void of passion and drive. Then, she continued

"Oh, I want to take this opportunity to thank you for teaching me Physics/Chemistry during high school. Really, I appreciate it. Thank you, Nazran!"

And bam

That statement stunned me. I was rendered speechless for several minutes. I can't get myself to reply that tweet. I was...I don't know, shocked?

But I feel warm inside. Like someone pouring hot chocolate into the hollow spaces of my heart. And...I feel fulfilled.

After months of searching for a sense of fulfillment in the bustling city campus and failing, that one simple acknowledgement gave me that sense of fulfillment. It baffled me.

Then, I started thinking. What did I do for that sense of fulfillment. I teach people, right? Therefore, it gave me a sense of fulfillment?

Boom. Correct answer.

In life, you have these simple things that give you a sense of fulfillment and make your life complete. For me, it's the appreciation people gave when I taught them. And it really gave me a purpose in life. Reflect back, what is the activity that gives you the sense of fulfillment?

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Calm Before the Storm


After the flurry of assignments, tests and journals for the past week, today was mostly uneventful. I arrived home early, (6.30pm) and frankly, I'm blank. I have nothing to do. It was like the calm before the storm.

Starting tomorrow, the storm will come in the form of theater public performance, finals and college applications. Starting tomorrow, my life will be so busy that I won't have time to blog. Starting tomorrow, stress level will be high, sleep hours will be low and eye bags would be imminent. Such suffering that would befall me throughout next week.

But for what?

Yes, for what? Sometimes, we are flooded with information and to-do-lists that we lose sight of the very zenith we targeted. We dwell more on the stones along our way that we stray off our original path. That's human. But at times like this, we should reflect back our goals and priorities.

Hence, the calm before the storm.

It's like God really wanted me to reflect myself. Before I'm attacked by the stones of my journey and stray off, He wanted me to look forward and see if I'm on the right track.

So, am I?