Thursday, November 22, 2012



A dusty keyboard, a stained monitor,
Scrolling down news by news.
Signs of melancholy, sighs of rejection,
Telling the world of their dejection.

This world is too sad, don't you think?
Virtual, fake, without a link.
What is here, is merely a dream,
Blissful ignorance, that's what is seem...

Beside me, a window, large and wide,
People walked, laughed and cried.
The outside where everything is real,
Not a roll of film on a reel.

And yet, I'm here.
Only sounds of depressing violin fill my ears.
I should go outside and snap from my snore,
Come with me, let us go explore.

Balance In All Things


"Balance in all things"

My favourite champion in League of Legends is definitely Irelia, The Will of the Blades.
It is because her overall playstyle. You should play her as a top champion, farming up minions kills for gold to afford items. Once equipped, she is a force to be reckoned with. Just like me, Irelia's style is a more adaptive approach. Her role in the team depends on the current situation.

We are starting a fight?
Dive for the carry and murder that **)&@&#@$@!
We are losing?
Protect our carry and soak damage
The enemy ambushes us?
Be the martyr and take a champion or two!

Her adaptive potential makes Irelia one of the potent champion in the game and always becomes the victim of Riot's nerf stick.

Nerf Irelia please...

Ehem...I'm getting off topic.
Anyway as shown above, one of Irelia's quote is "Balance in all things."

As you might know, lately, I have been through a lot of stress and as a defense mechanism, I indulge myself with LoL to reduce that said stress. As always, I play game after game using Irelia and in every game, I would play around with the taunt just to pass time for the minion to spawn/game start.

Her words, though fictional, struck a chord in me.


I could relate this with the balance of the overall emotions of the universe...I had thought about it before, with every unit of happiness, elsewhere, there will exist a unit of sadness. With that said, every time you feel happy, you know that somewhere, people are sad because of your happiness. Or if you're sad, somewhere, people are happiness because you're sad.

Quite a depressing thought isn't it?

But somehow, this idea has a lot of point.
For one thing, it deals about sacrifice.

I had a bad stint for a while in my relationships and honestly, I feel like withdrawing because the sadness is not worth it. But when I see at it again, my sadness results in their happiness.

Because of that, I feel a bit better, knowing that at least, I did something good.

Then I reflect even further like my parents for example...
Both of them are under so much pressure...They held it all in them...
As a result, all their children are happy...
But the cost of their sadness...

Sad thing?
Of course...but this realization made me to appreciate them more...
Knowing that my happiness is a direct result of their sadness...

Hence, the balance is preserve...
The world is divided into equal proportions of happiness and sadness...
And somehow, it is beautiful that way...

So, guys...remember

When you're feeling sad, remember that someone is happy because you're sad. You're giving them happiness.
When you're happy, remember that someone is sad because you're happy. So don't overindulge yourself.
Oppose and ruin the balance, and the world will punish you dearly

Yes, this is very deep...
But Yiruma is making me too sentimental lately...

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The Battle Between Us, Them and Everyone

Recently, the world is shocked by yet another case of Israel-Palestine conflict. It happened during Maal Hijrah, the new year of the Islamic calendar. The air strike from the Israel faction killed the Hamas military chief. Almost instantly, the news spread in Twittersphere. The hashtag #PrayForGaza jumped to the number 1 spot of the most trending topic in less than an hour. People express anger, frustration, sadness, pity, sympathy to the victims. Images of killed children, woman, and man sparked even more emotional fire as extremist began to swore vengeance for the fallen.

And with that, all hell brakes loose...

The so-called 'war' reaches a new climax. Air strikes, bombs, missile, gun shots were fired without care of the collateral damage. Both sides exchange blows by blows. War cries resonated through the barren desert, hoping to raise the morale of troops to fight for victory. Scenes of families and happy times flashed in the soldier's mind, driving them forward to pull the trigger, although their body is perforated like Swiss Cheese.

Away from the battlefield, a whole new fight unfolds...

Hashtags of #PrayForGaza and #PrayForIsrael rages on TwitterSphere. Coffeeshop philosopher took their spotlight with 'wise' words and 'enlighten' rhetoric. Religious people quoted lines from their holy books to support their arguments. Young, ignorant teenagers jumped into the bandwagon and began spouting nonsense as if they knew everything of this incident. Adults gave a cent or two before ignoring it completely as they had other things to do.

But among these, you could see there are two apparent side: The pro-Israel and pro-Palestine

Even so, in each faction, you could see obvious disunity in thought and opinion.

For example, the on going debate about boycott.
One side rages on about how we should boycott all products from Israel in hopes that it will hamper their economy while the other side pressed on about how boycotting these product won't hamper their economy but instead hamper our own people depending on that said product for living.

And also, there's lies and manipulation...thrown in large quantity from BOTH sides.
Yes, with the advent of imaging and picture editing technology, bending and twisting a picture to tell a story has never been easier. It doesn't matter the mainstream media or your Facebook news feed, news manipulation happens.

People, when given a 'hot' topic, will definitely share absolutely ANYTHING related to that topic IF it supports their argument/cause.
Pictures of artists holding Israel flag, or picture of a burnt/charred babies filled Twitter, Facebook and blogs alike. But have you ever think the validity of said images?
Even outrageous if it makes a claim like "If you buy a burger, you buy a bullet", again, though it may fires you up, but can we validate it?

What if we can't validate that piece of information?
Should we believe or not believe it?
The best piece of advice is to wait for someone to make a statement.
Or at least use your own juridiscation about it.

But again, when we think in a retrospect, the battle is not between Israel-Palestine anymore. It somehow became a battle between the Truth and Lie

Yes, we fight on Facebook and Twitter...
But remember, the real battle is elsewhere
Thousands of miles away from here
Where both sides fight
BUT didn't kill each other
Instead, those who were killed are innocent people from BOTH sides.

Rather than fighting here at home,
Why not take a step and directly help those in need in the battlefield?

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Stress, Tension, Pressure


I remembered there was once a time everyone in my class called me 'Mamat Stress'. Mainly, it was because of my facial expression I had when I'm in deep thought. But it was true, somehow. I did feel stress. I mean, living in a dorm as a junior without stress is a completely non-existent term.

And even now, I'm stressed out. Assignments, test, exam, people problem, personal issues, clothes to be ironed, menial everyday task. And the list goes on. It's funny how a small, irrelevant issue can make you so stressed out. 

Recently, people around me is getting stressed out. My best friend, my colleagues, my mom, even my girlfriend are stressed out. And like the human depicted above, human's behavior is altered in the faces of stress. You will get all cranky and emotional and unstable which builds up into a huge pile of angst and wrath.

Dealing with stress by yourself is not an issue, apparently. You just need a time out, a game time or some smooth coffee with jazz on the stereo. But dealing people with stress, is a completely different issue.

Like I said earlier, people with stress behaved differently. How apparent or subtle the behavioral changes are depend on individuals themselves.

For example, your friend gets grumpy and cranky all day long. The weird part is he is guy, but he's like on PMS. Or you may feel weird that your girlfriend didn't reply your long messages with a message of equal length, instead reply with vague and detached replies such as 'Okay', 'hahaha' or 'Oh, cool story'.

Now, you may feel like stressed out because of these stressed out people. Worse thing you could do is judging them based on their behavior when they are stress. 


Because stressed out people act like that because their behavior has been altered.
However, YOU are judging their 'stressed-out-behavior' as their PERSONALITY.

Wait, Wait, Wait...What?

Yes, you heard me.
People act differently when they are stressed out. It's normal. But it doesn't change their personality. They are still themselves. Only for a brief amount of time, they act differently as a defense mechanism to stress. 
The worse you could do is judge them when they are in their 'stress mode'
Because it adds into they stress level (And to a certain degree, make you stressed out as well)

So, enough with these
"Oh, member aku lupa kawan. beb"
"Celaka minah ini, dulu baik sekarang hampeh emo shit bagai"
"Awek aku dah sayang aku dah...potong tangan ar camni"




Sunday, November 11, 2012

Women, The Catalyst


Behind every successful man, there's a woman

Scream 'cliche'
Exclaim blasphemy
Shout curses erroneously.
Whatever you said, this old adage holds truth.

Look around you, all the successful man alive, look their history. Along the way, it's almost impossible to see their life with the impact of a certain woman or women. To any man reading this, analyze back your past. There must be, should be, will be a girl that somehow give so much impact to your life that it would be unimaginable to think a parallel world where she doesn't exist.
Hah! You must be thinking of that said girl (or girls)
But all these girls should not necessary be your wife or love interest. Their existence is sufficient to give us the extra push to carry on with life. To give a sense of purpose that drives you on despite the daunting challenges ahead. To be collected as life throws everything it can to hamper your progress.

Hence, we can concluded that 


Personally, I agree to that hypothesis
I too have women (yes, women) that touched my life and changed my world. To date, there are three women are really changed my life. And surely, without them. You won't be even seeing this blog existed.

Woman #1
Also known as The Rival. Yeah, she was a childhood friend. The source of my kiasu-ness. The source of competition. Doesn't matter where she stands on the school ranking, I will try to beat her. Until today, 11 November 2011, I DIDN'T BEAT HER EVEN ONCE!

Yes, she is that good. Every test, every exam, I would try to mark up to her but in vain. I remember when I got rejected from my dream school and she passed the first interview. Imagine the amount of my jealousness. When I finally entered SBP, I knew she didn't, giving me a sense of achievement...but it was shortlived. 

She still beat me in everything else.
National Scholarship? Beaten
UWC interview? Beaten
Race to fly oversea first? Beaten
Everything? Beaten

But I guess that's the origin of my competitiveness. Even today, I still feel competitive anywhere. Hence, my kiasu-ness. And also, that is also the origin of my admiration to her. Well, at that time I was confused so I thought it was love. But....nahhh. It was just admiration. Seeing her go up and up to the zenith of success while I'm stumbling and struggling below her. 

Someday...I will beat you.
And the day I do,
I shall thank you too.

Woman #2

Ah, this woman is one important figure in my life. Why? She was present during the turning point of my life: 2009.
Yes, she was my partner in crime. A mother figure while I was a father figure. Many challenges hit us both in managing one of the most notorious batch ever to grace SMSS. Tension was high. Pressure was enormous. And things look bleak.

But we are there for each other. Well, she was there for me. I don't know if she intended or not but somehow, every time I feel like breaking down, she will somehow appear in front of me, with a subliminal message of "Hey, I'm holding on too. Be strong"

This girl instantly grabbed my heart. Hence, I tried becoming better and better. I took on jobs and responsibility. I pressed on. I stayed strong, not braking down a slight. Everything I do then, somehow was related to that woman.

We did hook up though with me shamelessly serenading her. didn't work out.
Well, it was my first time so I screwed up.
She is also the reason why I'm so traumatized and paranoid with relationships for a while.
Nonetheless, she is important to my life. I did say 'Thank you' to her in numerous occasions but I wonder is that even sufficient to make it up for what she had done. Yeah, if you knew her, you would go 'uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu'

Well, that's your choice/problem

Moving on

Women #3

Heh, this woman made me questioned fate. I met her in an elevator after my presentation during F1 In Schools 2010. Then again, in front of my hotel room, locked outside. She laughed when she saw me struggling with my keycard.

I met her again by chance in an Innovation Exhibition. I got her number at that time.
Then, we talked, texted and Facebook chat.
Frankly, I didn't feel anything from her. Mostly due to the double heart break of 2010. That emotional scar made me shut off from any form of serious relationship.

But this woman is a witch.
For some reason, she sticks with me. Every time I tried to back off, she would persistently sticks to me, caring for me. I find it heartwarming and touched. When the event of 19th February 2011 came around, I was at my lowest. Lowest of the lowest I stumbled. But she came and just consoled me. On my 17th Birthday, she was the one chatting with me with the clock struck midnight and be the first one to wish me that year.

We chatted and chatted until suddenly, I felt something. I deny it at first, but it was too strong. And ultimately, we became a thing.

Now, consider the fact we were separated by 2000km of land and sea. It was a very loooooooong distance relationship. As a couple, we didn't even see each other. But even from afar, I could feel she is supporting me. Every night after band practice or prep, she would text me and make my day better despite the tiredness. It was a slight emotional boost but man, did it worked.

After a full 15 months as a couple, we finally met.
Oh, how could I describe that moment.
I wish surreal. Seriously. Like a scene from my dream theater.

Even now, she is still my drive. A twist of fate and both of us is in the same program to US. As a man, I can't be the one being helped. I must help her. And so, I became better and better in hope to assist her.

Yes, a sappy love story, I know.
But hey, that is the unadulterated truth.


Those are the women that changed my life. Who is yours?

Sunday, November 4, 2012

SPM: A Reflection, Retrospect and Revelation

I know it's a bit late (Students are doing their BM paper as we speak) but SPM has once again, arrived into our calendar.
Statuses by statuses, tweets by tweets, blogpost by blogpost, wishing these students good luck in facing their , arguably, the most important exam of their life. Many 'inspirational' and 'motivation' speeches are thrown around in hopes of giving the final emotional boost to face this daunting adversity like:

"Doa banyak2 tau"
"Tawakal je, ko dah banyak berusaha"
"Makan kismis 7 balang sehari, insya allah pandai"
"Rebus buku, minum"

But take a few steps back and think,

What the heck is SPM?

Now, I can foresee that you guys will reply with:

SPM is a public examination taken by Form Five students as an end to their secondary level education. Range of subject including bla bla bla bla bla bla bla

Now, take a few more steps back and think,

Why are we taking SPM?

Again, I can foresee you guys responding with:

University placing!
To make my parents proud!
To boost my school rankings!

Again, ask yourself this:

Is SPM 'that' important?

You guys will now proceed to gather your pitchforks and torches while screaming 'Bullshit! Blasphemy!" at me in respond to the sheer absurdity of my notion. But calm down, and think. Is it that important?

SPM, although as flawed as it is now, (A digression here, I REALLY think that all the public examination is a cleverly sneaky political tool. With the ever so fluid grading system, the ministry can just say "Oh, this year's examination result has increase triple-fold from last year. All of this won't be achievable without US") is just an examination. Examination is a merely 'test of strength' to your academic prowess.

Highlight the term 'academic prowess' here. Truth to be told, SPM mostly test your skills to adhere to formats and memorizing terms and regurgitate them when needed. It is a flawed system to exactly test one's intelligence as critical and creative thinking skills are not properly tested. (And the examination board put KBKK question as a sad excuse for 'critical and creative thinking' question)

So, no matter what happen during SPM, one should not be thinking 'Oh, I'm so smart' or 'Oh, I'm so stupid'

Though, it's undeniable that SPM plays an important part in getting scholarships but think of it as this way. Your results, in the eyes of potential sponsors, are in reality just numbers. They are concern if you passed their minimum cut-off point only. After that, they couldn't give a crap. The level of Tom who got 29 A+ and Sam who got a mix of A+, A and A- is the same in the eyes of sponsors, assuming both of them passed the minimum academic requirement. Instead, they focus on life skills. 

Yes, as cliche'd as it sounds, sponsor look for 'skills' more than SPM results. At the end of the day, you will be bonded (in most cases, unless you're Turga or Wardah. *ehem* Golden Deer Award *ehem*) and sponsors are searching for someone who they can work it and contribute to them in the future. If you're just capable of memorizing and regurgitating facts, they might as well hired or buy a photocopier. They want true, bona fide humans.

So, with all these digression, what is my point exactly?

Do your best in SPM
But remember, it's NOT 
I repeat, NOT
the total evaluation of your life
NEVER let SPM result define you
As it is, at best, some numbers you will forget as you grow older.
But what is truly eternal?

So, whatever happens, you are still you.
Now, brace yourselves and ace that exam!