Thursday, September 20, 2012

A Vivid Imagery

Seriously,
The weirdest thing happened to me just now...
As I finished my Theater Journal and re-edited my Education Interest essay, I got this strange statement in my head.

'What if you got into Stanford?'

Truthfully, I didn't know where or how or why that statement suddenly popped into my head, but it did. A huge part of my conscious screamed: "Nah...with your scores and progress and past achievements, it might be quite impossible." Even so, that statement rang again...and again...and again...

'What if you got into Stanford?'

Before I could ponder about why or how, I got this vivid imagery. Mind you, all of this while I was going to the toilet, having a peaceful time in the cubicle.
This imagery was elaborated and almost felt real. I didn't see the world around me, rather I see a laptop screen in front of me. In the laptop screen was an email similar like this:


I froze. Then joy took over. I feel myself typing a joyous email to Amni and Christine, informing the good news. Like they said when I first met them "Report to them first". I did just that. Then I informed the Bank Negara people. Then I informed my room mates and my princesses. Then I informed Asahina. Then I informed my parents...

Now that's the heart warming moment...
Both of them cried the tears of joy...
For some reason, I felt a time skip and I was at Sains Selangor, all the teachers were congratulating me.
It 
was...
The happiest day of my life..

SNAP!

With that, the vivid imagery ended. I can't see or feel anything related to those imagery afterwards. I can't even summoned that scene! The only testament of that imagery was my shaking hands...

My hands were shaking...they shook like never before...
I never been shaken like this before...
Not even my SPM result day was I shaken like this...
But I did...
Is it fear?
Is it happiness?
Or is it futility?

I admit... I almost gave up on Stanford
Why?
Because my SAT scores were not up to par
Because my CGPA is not 4.0
Because I have a suspension case under my belt
Because I didn't play sport
Because my achievements were overshadowed by those who BETTER than me...
I opt for the 'normal' way...
Why?
I had doubts...

Doubts...
Oh the irony...
I just recently advised someone about doubts

'Doubts are like taps. The more you have, the tighter the taps'

That was my own FREAKING quote.
Yet, here am I, doubting myself...
Maybe people would say

"Ala, ko fly gak nanti..."

True. Ko tak salah
Tapi semua orang ada impian mereka masing-masing
Sama macam aku
Salah ke aku cuba mencapai impian aku?

Those vivid imagery gave me a feeling that I will fight for...
I woke me up...
Time is running out...
And the final stretch is near...

I will work my ass off...
For my dreams...
Even if I didn't get Stanford...
At least I can tell my story to my kids

"Your dad work really hard for Stanford, but he didn't get it...Even so, that journey made him your dad today."

So, how about you?
Try to get a vivid imagery of the goal you want to achieve...
And that euphoria will drive you forwards...
To the dream you strive to achieve

1 comments:

nazu said...

Hey you, sampai hati tak nak bagitahu aku dulu en? Macam ni ah kau twin :(

jom work our asses off for stanford and upenn, okay? :) <3

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