Wednesday, January 29, 2014

The Symbol of Hope


An update finally, after 3 months of inactivity. I'm so so sorry. Ever since coming to the States, I have left this blog to rot while my poetry blog flourished. (Well, it is easier to write a quick poem rather than a full length blogpost).

Anyways what is up, Nazran? A lot has happened since my last post. If you are one of those rare readers who was not up to date with my Facebook statuses, I had been through a lot since November. First, I finished my first semester in U of M. Second, I traveled to New York and some other places (TIMES SQUARE BEBEH). Third, I had experienced winter...and I hate snow already. Fourth, I entered my first competition as a U of M student. (I bet you saw that coming considering my love for competitions)

So yeah, among the other plethora of stuffs that I did, I went for an interview for the core team of Beyond Bounds (Check them out. They are a student support group helping students to find their core values and passion: One of the reason I wanted to be a part of them so much is because it is in line with something I love doing : Inspiring people. If you are among the sea of people who didn't know me back in high school, I was called "The Motivator" back then (Not really that title. Literally translated to that from Malay) It annoyed people sometimes because you can always see me spouting cheesy lines and pick me ups to people a midst examination stress and stuff. I remembered when I was the batch leader in 2009, all of my 'speeches' were 70% rhetorics and motivational quotes which annoyed the heck of some people.

But why though? Why is this 'inspiring and motivation people' feels so fulfilling for me? I wondered about that these past weeks, along with another life-changing question "What am I doing with my life?"

Now, that second question is kinda ironical. People will go "Eh, you have a job at Bank Negara. Obviously you are going to be an economist! Go worry about this for what?" But see, a career doesn't equal to life itself. Being an economists is not my life's goal. Heck any career is not my life goal. That is too shallow of an approach. A life goal, in my opinion, should be clear yet vague (what). It should be clear enough to let you see the path, yet vague enough that any career, university, spouse, life events that happened can bring you towards it.

My life goal?

To be a Symbol of Hope

Wow, much grand. Such bold. Capitalszzzz

But yeah, I want to be a symbol of hope. Someone that the general public look up to. Some figure that is synonymous to a cause like Gandhi to non-violence or MLK to civil rights. Some one whose quotes are everywhere in tumblrs and retweeted countless of times in Twitters despite horrible misquotation. Yes, I want to be that guy.

Isn't that egoistical? I don't really think so. I'm not doing it for fame. I won't deny that I will feel proud but I don't think I will be filled with hubris. I want to be like that so someone can be inspired by me. You know, that idol who you can relate with and you strive to be someone like them. Malaysia youths, especially the Malays, are in dire need of someone relate able to be their role model because the role models they have are freaking politicians. Seriously, as good as Mahathir was (Or Anwar or whoever.), they are not from your generation. I bet you can't even relate with them based on the food you eat. (Ironical for a Malaysian) But yet, the education system and society continue to shove down these politicians to be the role model of any students out there. I once been to BTN and they ask "Who is your role model?" and my god 90% of my group said "Mahathir". Fine, he is a respectable person but is there no other role model who is more relate able to you?

I digressed. So that is why. I want to be that man to finally be a role model to others. "Oh, he studies all the time. Book worm" "Ah, but he plays DotA. He is just like us!" is what I imagined some day in the future.

But see, the road to be there is hard. First, you need to be impressive enough as an individual first. You need to achieve and conquer mountains and be at the top. No one loves the first lose but everyone loves the winner. But really, that is not that important. The most important part of all is to NOT LOSE MYSELF AS I CLIMBED (Yes, all caps) I need to remind myself that I was once that kid. I was lost, hopeless, no skills, no friends, no nothing. I was a depressed messed as I slumped on my dirty hostel bed, wondering about life. And someone saved me. It is time that I save others


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