My Three Weeks of Fun

I

AM

BACK

PEOPLE

No, it doesn't read as 'I am back people', btw. Put a damn comma.

Andddddd I am back from the dead. After the epic aftermath of GE 13, followed by the super stress finals week, I am finally on my break. Though it was sad that I'll be leaving Taylor's ADP forever and ever (And the thank you post has gathered dust in my dashboard) So I'll take this opportunity to thank everyone who had made my time in Taylor's ADP fun and memorable. :)

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So, now what? With holidays lengthy and feels like it will never end. (I'm so going to regret this later), I was left with boredom. But see, this is not like all the holidays I had been through before. This holiday is...well different. This three-month holiday will be my last holiday before I finally spread my wings and carry my overweight body to the New World aka United States of America aka The Country That Is So Free That You Can Bang A Cow And It Is Legal. With that in mind, I swore to myself to utilize my time well. The conscientiousness me (Read: Railzan) kicked into action and put up a general to-do-list for the holidays

Nazran's To-Do-List before Flying to US

by Railzan and Kanzaki

1. Spend time with family and friends and friends of friends

2. Visit school often and help out

3. Enlighten thyself

4. Prepare all da documents

5. Meet some new people

6. Explore Malaysia

7. Create a League of Legends account

8. Find a girlfriend 

So, with that in mind, let's tackle the top of the list: Spending time with family and friends (And friends of friends) This takes the top of the list because I feel sad when I think of leaving behind such awesome family and friends behind to pursue my dreams. So I scroll through my friend's list and made plans with everyone and hopefully, I can cover them all.

Seriously, if you wanna lepak with me. Roger2 me fast. I really wanna spend time with you gaissss!

Ehem...

So three weeks has passed since I made that list. What is my progress?

I'm proud to say that I (think I) made quite a progress. 

First of all there's the SWAG E-Sports group consist of Axel, Hanis, Eli, Azwan. I feel kinda guilty for not spending time with the during college. (Sorry, I was busy...as always) All the DotA games that  rejected will came back haunting me if I don't start spending time with them now. So, I did. We played DotA until the wee hours of the morning and then go for a quick bite at Siti Zubaidah (GG waistline) Even today, we went out to Lowyat to buy....well, gaming stuffs. Just like true buddies, we exchange racial jokes without any shit taken. Now that my friends, are the true 1Malaysia. Get it right, PM

Then, there is the SSP concert aka Flourishes. Perfect time to go and spend time with band member. So, rang up my musical pal, Arief and my pet sis, Afiqah and invite them. (I did invite Mike, but he no reply) The concert was so-so and me and Afiqah had a long talk during the traffic jam. Arief has his stocks of 'hot stories' readied to be shared. What? It is a great past time :3

SSP WO

I don't always camwhore, but when I do, I look horrible 

After that, the weekend came and along with it is the SUPERAWESOMEOMGITISCOMINGTOSMSSFINALLYAFTER40YEARS HKSBP. For ye foreigners out there (Oi, school-ist) HKSBP stands for Hari Kecemerlangan SBP and it is an event where every, I repeat, EVERY single SBP in the face of Malaysia will gather in one place (or three in SMSS' case) to fight it out in debate and basketball along with a grandious award ceremony for the kiasu and fabulous. And yes, it was held in my own alma mater, Sekolah Menengah Sains Selangor. Curious with the preparations, I dropped by at school once and it was a sight to behold. Teachers and students rushing everywhere to prepare and organize. For the first time ever, I saw the whole school getting hyped up for a single event. (Well, there's rugby but whatever)

I went to see the debate twice with my First Subang neighbour, Imran. It is funny when he disguise himself under the pseudonym 'Ching Meng' and effectively fooling everyone that he is a Chinese from Damansara (He is a Malay from ASIS btw)

And there's the Majlis Anugerah Cemerlang where I also dropped by to see how things are...Okay, I lied, Mike dragged me to it to meet his girlfriend, Ain. And what do you know, the very moment I stepped into the teachers attacked me with a request

"Can we help us? We need a PA for the emcee"

And me, being a Yes man I accepted their request (I lied, I just want to menyibuk) Hence, I was given the task as Fedtri Yahya (sp?) PA for the day. For those of ya anti government people, Fedtri Yahya is a host in MHI TV3. So again, I was dragged into a SBP event. What is best course of action now?

INFILTRATE 

ENTERTAIN

ENJOY

And poof! I'm in my school's batik as a disguise

Behold of my lack of calcium

I did talk to some of the current SBP student under the pseudonym of Asran Maskor (lame). But I had fun. Oh, I hang out with my band juniors too. Great to finally able to talk to them

And on Sunday there's the concert with PJPO. For me, it was...well, more of a performance than a full concert because I only have one song. Oh, the hardships of a saxophonist in a philharmonic orchestra. But the good side is, I became closer to my orchestra mates.

I'm not fat! I look big because I'm taking up air into my belly, I swear!

With the imba trumpeter, Nyzem

So nais. Full orchestra

Taylor's University Symphonic Orchestra

And finally, there is this busking thing I did for SPARTFEST. 30minutes of jamming songs like "When I Was Your Man" and "Careless Whisper" in a crowd that is....well, rich and loaded. Raised RM35 in 30 minutes. Woohoo~

Then Sherlyn gave me a 50% off Chatime as a reward. WORTH

Me and my middle split hair glory

Cash. So naiss

And that concludes my activity for three weeks! Well, not all of the activity I did, but whatever.

Oh, any ideas for what should I do next? I need ideas!

PS: To my loyal readers, you might ask 'Why the sudden change in writing style?". Blame Kanzaki for it. Seriously. Blame her -Nazran

The Need For Conflict

Hello Earthlings. Yeah, I know. It has been a while? Why? Because screw ADP Death Week (read: Shitload of assignments) and now, I'm in the middle of my very last Final in Taylor's ADP. Still haven't studied much and one more project to do. Haiz...

But on the side note, it is time for the GENERAL ELECTION~~~YIPPIE *shoots confetti*

Why am I so excited? Because -to quote an uncle in Facebook-,

"True, GE13 is the Mother Of All Elections, in the sense that for the first time in Malaysian history, a change of government is seen possible, if not probable. But at the end of the day, it should not simply boil down to a Battle Of The Ulamaks, Songkok Tinggi vs Kopiah Putih, Hudud vs Dangdut, Winnable vs Wannabe, Manifesto vs Akujanji, Haves vs Have-nots, Ini Kali Lah vs Lain Kali Lah or whatever. Nor should it have extremely racial or religious tones. Or gutter politics like peddling pornographic pictures and videos, whether genuine or edited."

-Zaim Al-Amin-

And just to make things clear, I'm a non-partisan in the battle of two factions. I love both of them and hate both of them equally. (See? It is great. Come to the non-partisan side!) But that doesn't matter I should be apathetic and not give a care/damn at all. I do care, mostly because politics is so closely related to economics and it is oddly interesting to see the interaction between the two. As I scroll through my Facebook and Twitter laden with various political posts such as-

"Ya Allah, Mereka ingin menguasai XXX. Hilanglah XXX daripada dunia ini. BANGKIT!"
"Mereka kejam and penipu. Ubah dan pangkah XXX"
"Negara ini akan menjadi XXX jika XXX menguasai!"
"Bangla masuk! Dafuq?"

And seriously, the quality of arguments presented by both parties are...well...BAD. The arguments reeked ignorance and sheer stupidity and 'macai-ness'. (Though I won't deny there is some golden argument presented in the internet as such the ever-famous Rafizi's open letter) And don't let me started on the photoshopped pictures -.-

But see, one thing I realized through the course of GE:13 is that the amount of patriotism towards one's country. I have this stereotype in my head saying, "Heh, Malaysians are a bunch of non-patriotic people". I WAS WRONG. And this election around, for the first time ever we get to see the Gen Y people finally being able to vote. This Gen Y people, hip and technologically connected became an important political tool in this election and in my opinion will turn around this coming election. With their fresh ideas, I believe the Gen Y people can make Malaysia into a better country.

HOWEVER

This is where the problem starts. Sure, Gen Y is being able to vote for the first time in history but that doesn't mean the older generation will be obsolete. Older generation aka the Baby Boomers and Gen X are...well, more conservative compared to the more liberal Gen Y. Some of them were born before Merdeka and a fair number of them still remembered the tragedy of 13th May 1969. Some of them still have racial sentiments and some of them still thinks Malaysia is as good as it is, compared to the yesteryears.

Because of that, it creates conflict between the 'new' and the 'old'. The new wanted change, to restructure Malaysia, to take apart, to clean the interior and build it back again. The old wanted to preserve stability, to oil up the parts and to put up a new coat of paint for Malaysia. Sure, there are some of the 'old' who thinks like a 'new' and vice versa but generally, this is where they belong at the spectrum of ideology.

So, is this bad?

Hardly, this is what we should be experiencing to achieve progress. You see, conflicting ideologies is not necessarily a bad thing. (It will if some A-hole decided to go violent) In a calm and intellectual debate, the two conflicting ideology can find a middle a ground and balance each other out. Sure, I don't want to live in a Malaysia that is super strict and conservative that I can't even 'melatah' (eg: Babs gila!) I need my dose of 'melatah'. And I don't want to live in a Malaysia where it is super liberal and free without any authority. Yeah, I'm over exaggerating here but you get my point.

So calm down people. Conflict is normal. Who knows, we can live in a better Malaysia after this?

A Leap of Faith

It is super early at the time of writing this. I tell you, ah, if you wake up early just for the sake of waking up early you could find yourself discovering or doing something that will make your day less shitty. Trust me.

So it has been over a week since my last update. Can't blame me. Asssignments (Yes, with a triple 's') and projects have been a beach to me. Yeah, I whine because it is a natural defense mechanism for us humans...and also I want attention.

Heh.

Kay, enough with random introduction and bantering. The topic I feel like writing today can be explained easily by the inverse of a popular saying

"Leap Before You Think"

Wait, whuuttttt?

I jump before I think? Won't it be bad?

I mean imagine I jumped of a cliff

And halfway I think and I say "Eh, maybe this is not a good idea"

But stop ya inner monologue my dear friend for a while and hear me out. Of course, there are things you must need to think before you do it (eg: Jumping of a cliff. Come on, who the heck wants to jump of a cliff???) But have you been in a situation where thinking makes you unable to move?

Yeah sure. To fail to plan is to plan to fail. But one thing that most of us tend to forget (including me) is that we are just mere humans in this pale blue dot suspended in pillar of sunbeam. Humans DO NOT control. Screw those motivational speakers who told you that you have total control over the world. That's total BS. Instead, humans just make sure that their sails and ships are in good condition and let the current of fate lead them. 

Yeah, it is a good trait to plan everything but when planning inhibits action, it is BAD. The past weeks, I have  been observing and lurking from the background and I see a lot of my friends, be it post SPM or post Asasi/Matrik, contemplating about their future, asking way too many questions that they are rooted in place in fear that their plans will fall apart. And because of that, they are trapped; unsure of the future and getting lost in the present. 

But for me, I think my advice would be to JUST DECIDE

Woah woah woah. You are talking about someone's future, Nazran. You can't just 'decide' your future.

Duh, of course you can't decide your future BUT you can decide to decide.

You see, in making decision, sometimes you must go deep inside yourself and ask yourself a simple yet hard question: "What do I want?" Once you asked that question and finding the answer, you don't need plans anymore. Just jump and hold that belief strong in your heart. Insya Allah, YOU WILL GET IT.

I shall cite Abraham Maslow because it helps me to remember my Psychology terminology:

"What a man can be, he MUST be"

If what you want is to be a musician, you can and MUST be a musician. That way, you will have no regrets in life.

Just like my brother. He wanted to be a professional gamer, a very unorthodox job and slighted in our Kiasu Asian community. But that is want he wants therefore, he can and MUST be a professional gamer.

So, screw planning. Screw calculating the probabilty and chances of success. Screw it all. Nothing matters if you have decided on what you WANT and you just hold on to that. I tell you, you WILL get it.

Jump my dear friends!

But hold on to your heart

And may you land in a bed of roses

Although you may be hurt or beaten

But hey, at least you still have your heart

Little Dose of Happiness

This blog gets little to no love these days. I don't know. I prefer writing in short bursts of metaphorical poetry rather than a full blown article/blog post nowadays. Maybe because of the influx of assignment and projects (Crap..-__-) or maybe it was because I'm plain lazy..
...
...
The projects. Must be the projects.

So, what is up?

If you have been reading my blog, (yes, all of you 15 or so people who regularly read my blog. Thank you*bows*) the past blog posts are depressing posts and all. I admit it, I was really depressed the past weeks but recently, I find myself on and going and happier than ever. I woke up everyday nowadays with boundless energy despite the clear sign of eyebags below my eyes and shitloads of sleep deficit. Now why is that?

I remembered something I stumbled upon when I was depressed. I can't remember where. Was it Twitter or Facebook? Or maybe Zenpencils? Tumblr? But I remembered that it was a quote that goes:

"It is not the big things that make you happy. It is the smaller insignificant things that will make you happy"

Frankly, I don't even care about the quote and merely put it away somewhere in my mind so that my hippocampus could dump it and erase it from my memory. But as the days goes by, subconsciously I get happy from small things. I mean, well, I screwed my 'big things that could make me happy' so the happiness threshold was low. I get happy from the streak of green lights during my drive to campus or a lucky parking spot during peak hours. Heck, I get happy from getting a 'thank you' from a cute girl at the food court that I celebrated that occasion with a double portion of lunch!

It is a wonder and as the depressed days goes by, my fear and sadness disappear. No longer I was worried about my impending doom of not getting it any universities. I was....happy. And things gotten better....A LOT BETTER.

During my depressed state of mind, I took quite alot of tests and exams and I screwed them all. In particular my Psychology midterms where I lost a huge chunk of my grade (5%) which greatly jeopradizes my chances to getting an A at the end of the term. But as the days goes by and I recovered, my test scores improved heck, it was better than my previous test although the topic is harder than before. It was like because I'm happy, I get more things that makes me happy

As my happiness gradient increases, I hang out with my friends more and more. And again, my happiness increase.

The Lah's

ADP Scholar Futsal Team

And it all started when I appreciate those little things that made me happiness. And ultimately, I finally got the 'big thing that made me happy'

It was like the world wants to show that you should not be in the pits of depression for long. Appreciate the small things and somehow, the bigger things will come

To Not be In Control

Finally.
I know right. An update for this blog. For those who are my loyal reader (With that, I gave my heart felt thank you to you *bows*), you might have noticed that I update my new poetry blog far more frequent than this blog. Well, today I shall give you guys a well deserved update. *confetti*

I woke up early today. Yeah, I want to ditch my habit of oversleeping during weekdays and increase productivity. Plus, I have a project paper due this week and the kiasu me said that it MUST be flawless with TONS of sources and SUPER LEGIT arguments. I just can't help to feel kiasu. With still zero news from universities (haiz) which indirectly caused my subpar Psychology midterms results, I feel at I'm getting inferior by the second hence, the sudden surge of kiasu-ness.

Kay,
So, I woke up early and build up my fort at the Taylor's library. Out of the blue, this article appeared in my Facebook newsfeed. Now, if you are one of those lazy asses who hated reading, scroll down to point 9,

Situations You Have ZERO Control Over

Wow, it is the bold and font size necessary?

IT IS

Because I want to send a message here. A message telling the people of the world that there are situations that they have ZERO control over...and there is nothing they can do about it. The world is a dynamic place. Everything is ever changing whether you like it or not. Can you control all of these variables? You can't. Even if you are a scientist conducting an experiment, there are only so much variables you can keep constant and control. Only God can trully control everything in this world.

So, I have no control...is it a bad thing? To not have control?

Well, you might have the wrong idea here. You have no control over things you REALLY have no control off. (Wow, that helps. Gee, thanks) For example, you entered an art competition and painted your best painting ever. That is what you can control; what sort of painting you would like to paint, what medium, what strokes, what picture etc. But the judges didn't make you champion, instead made you second runner up. Now, can you control the judge's decision? Can you just say "I did my best therefore I must win?" to the judges? 

NO

Because logically, who are you to control the judge's decision. Maybe your 'best' is the 'third best' in their eyes. And you control that perception? You can't.

Okay, Nazran. I get it. So everything is kay, right?

Well, it is not okay.

Because I believe that the line between things you can control and things you can't control is too blurry for most people to perceive that it became the cause of a great deal of stress where as it should not be.

How many times we see a person stressed out about competition results?

How many times we see a person stressed out about a failed job interview?

How many times we see a person stressed out about a failed college admission (Ouch, burn)

How many times we see a person stressed out about we see people getting worked up for things we can't and will not control? (Ehem, politics, ehem)

Some parts of life are just not for you to control, but for you to experience.

So, don't be a dictator.

Be a FEELER

In The Face of Fear

Fear...
is a curious emotion isn't it? Not only it is subjective, like some people thinks ghosts are scary while others think clowns make them piss in their pants, it is only a very sophisticated emotion. When I say sophisticated, I mean it is an amalgamation of different emotions, amounting to an emotion of large magnitude; such emotion that simply went out of control and there is nothing you can do about it.

People grow to hate fear. Fear is a sign of negativity. Fear roots us into place and basically shuts down all our rational thoughts as we tremble and cry like a baby. Fear makes us weak, worthless, powerless and feel turdier than the turdiest of the turds. It is an apparent problem, fear.

Because of that, mankind developed ways to counter fear. Meditation, prayers, motivational talks, quotes and of sorts. The "Anda Hebat! Jangan takut!" and "Fear is nothing for me." of pompous guys in suit talking in an airconditioned ballroom. Combating fear is a big deal as fear has been shown in history to be a potent killer of kings, cities and civilizations.

But is fear that bad?

Not really.
Fear is also an essential part of our evolution. Without fear, we would know no danger and will be extinct as a species faster than you can say "F U evolutionist!" The fear of getting hurt, for example, made us create protection to safeguard us. The fear of dying made think twice before doing any acts. The fear of getting last in exams made us study harder. Yes, fear is a great motivator. What else is better to keep you running than a huge scary beast on your tail?

But it doesn't change that fear is scary. Most of mankind succumbed to fear, defeated in its fangs and surrendering their fates to the unknown. They are rooted in place and incapable of moving forward. These humans are alive but they are dead inside. They were thrown into a stasis induced by fear.

And that, my readers, is what happened to me today.

I woke up in the morning to see a rejection letter from my most favorable university today. And that makes the third university not able to give me admission. The instant that fact hit me, it like all the hope, joy and optimism are drained from me. Different from my rejection from UChicago where I didn't feel anything, this time all those emotions came to me in lump sum basis. And as you would have guessed it, the dominant emotion is no other than fear.

I was scared shitless. As soon as my eyes traced the 'not accepted' part of my admission decision, I closed my laptop and stared at the ceiling. The air cond was off but I was shivering. My mind went blank but one thing: FEAR. It was icy cold, hence my shivering. It overwhelmed me and I didn't move from staring at the ceiling for quite a while. I showered and get ready for college by autopilot basis. Fear clouded my mind that I  can't even think.

The only thing that come to mind is the worst case scenario of not getting any university and witness my future crumbled into dust. That thought alone is enough to send me spiraling into the pits of despair where hope goes to die.

Throughout all that, my other personality tried to snap me out of it. Railzan came out with rationalization and logic of the situation, trying to make sense of the situation and putting it in an somewhat optimistic way. Kanzaki tried to be optimistic and pumped in hope into my disturbed mind. Even so, in this state of mind, I could barely hear them, let alone project them.

And I was alone...

And I'm afraid...

Yes, after a pretty long streak of fearlessness. From performing in PICC, to taking SPM, to SPM results day, to various scholarships interviews, to ADP finals, to SAT, to TOEFL, where I didn't feel an ounce of fear, only nervousness, finally today I was given fear in the purest form ever.

And I'm rooted in place.

But fret not my readers as I can still look up...
And hope that I came out from this fear
And be a stronger man than before

When You Keep On Going

This is a post about League of Legends. Yes, the MOBA game that took the world by storm although DotA purist saw it as an act of blasphemy, condemning LoL by calling it 'kiddie', 'bad graphics', 'game for noobs,' 'League of Lesbians' etc.

But this post is not about the actually game of LoL. It is about the people who play LoL, specifically my two brothers.

Unfortunately, I can't get the hold of a good picture of those two but whatever.

My brothers are HUGE LoL addicts. When I say addicts, I meant REAL LEGIT ADDICTS. They would play on average 7 games a day (approx 3-4 hours) even during school days. Heck, my youngest brother played it during his UPSR! (And he even got 5As for it) Weekends are worse, they would be glued to the computer from day until the wee hours of the night. They would eat in in front of their computers during breakfast, lunch and dinner, missing on the joy of eating together with family. Raya? Balik kampung? Beach please, they packed their laptops and play at the kampung without giving a finger to anyone around.

YES
THEY ARE FREAKING ADDICTS.

You think my parents (and I) were okay with that? Well, at first it was kinda worrying. I did gave them advice to tone down on the playing a little. I mean, I do play LoL too (Ehem Silver 1 Division ehem) as a casual player, balancing my hectic of a lifestyle with LoL. I highlight the value of balance and not give their all into 'just a game'.

But do they care?

They just kept on playing.

And they never turn back.

Hours turn to days
Days turn to weeks
Weeks turn to months
And they climb the social hierarchy on the LoL community. They had established their name as the 'pro AD carry' and the 'OP top laner' of LoL SEA. In the game ranking system, they climbed day by day until they are both at the top 10% of the community.

Not before long, they made their own team and thus began their formal training session as a team. They started to fight other teams, most of them far more established than them, gaining experience and insights on how to be better. They started to immerse themselves into the game, the very core of the game itself. Meta-games, character builds, niche strategies, playing techniques, all of it my brothers read and read and read from the internet. Most normal teenagers would talk about football players and teams. But them? They talk about professional LoL players and teams. The way they discussed LoL over the dinner table was exactly like how normal teens talk about football over teh tarik.

Such dedication sometimes took me aback. They were fighting for something. They have a reason to fight. A reason to keep on playing. I was an outsider and I don't know the reason of their fighting spirit.

Yesterday, I finally knew.

THEY WANT TO WIN

Now, isn't that simple? They just want to win. But win what? To win tournaments and hopefully find themselves in the Season Three finals where all the pro players compete for the grand prize of millions of dollars.

Did they managed to do it?

YES

Yesterday, they went for a tournament. They win flawlessly for every single game they play, pwning their opponents into pieces with scores of 28-3 alikes. They managed to get into the final where they met the strongest team in Malaysia: the team Malaysia itself, KL Hunters. In an intense 30 minutes games, they lost although they had a pretty good start. (One of my brothers actually beat a KL Hunter guy in lane!) Although they lost, they still ended up second and went home with RM1000 in their bank accounts. But that is not the best reward. The best reward is:

Qualification to the Spring Finals

Spring Finals is the tournament where all the winners of the past tournaments will face off to see who will represent Malaysia in the Season 3 Finals aka the World Cup.

Their dream came true, partially but it made such an impact to the rest of us. They prove to us that you can achieve great success in anything, even games, it is just a matter of passion, determination and hard work.

It made me think...

Isn't this an enough proof to show that you need to find something you truly love to achieve success?

Good enough I guess.

So, meanwhile, let's hope they will do great in the Spring Finals.

For us, let's search deep into ourselves and reflect!

4MoD. My brothers are the one with grey sweater (Izzan,17) and the one with the One Piece shirt (Amirin, 13)