The Sense of Fulfillment

A very 'deep' picture. Oh, it's so deep, I can't even see myself anymore

Recently, I began to question myself. Where is my fulfillment? In my times in college, I feel detached and isolated from everything even myself. I seek this fulfillment by mingling around with people and joining clubs, but it doesn't came to me. I still feel a bit hollow and empty.

And, one of my high school friends tweeted me, saying:

"Eh Nazran, my lecturer ask me about any passionate person I knew and I instantly thought of you"

My initial response was of course, flattered by that compliment but it hurts for some reason. I'm not that kind of person anymore. I'm hollow and empty, void of passion and drive. Then, she continued

"Oh, I want to take this opportunity to thank you for teaching me Physics/Chemistry during high school. Really, I appreciate it. Thank you, Nazran!"

And bam

That statement stunned me. I was rendered speechless for several minutes. I can't get myself to reply that tweet. I was...I don't know, shocked?

But I feel warm inside. Like someone pouring hot chocolate into the hollow spaces of my heart. And...I feel fulfilled.

Yes!

After months of searching for a sense of fulfillment in the bustling city campus and failing, that one simple acknowledgement gave me that sense of fulfillment. It baffled me.

Then, I started thinking. What did I do for that sense of fulfillment. I teach people, right? Therefore, it gave me a sense of fulfillment?

Boom. Correct answer.

In life, you have these simple things that give you a sense of fulfillment and make your life complete. For me, it's the appreciation people gave when I taught them. And it really gave me a purpose in life. Reflect back, what is the activity that gives you the sense of fulfillment?

The Calm Before the Storm

After the flurry of assignments, tests and journals for the past week, today was mostly uneventful. I arrived home early, (6.30pm) and frankly, I'm blank. I have nothing to do. It was like the calm before the storm.

Starting tomorrow, the storm will come in the form of theater public performance, finals and college applications. Starting tomorrow, my life will be so busy that I won't have time to blog. Starting tomorrow, stress level will be high, sleep hours will be low and eye bags would be imminent. Such suffering that would befall me throughout next week.

But for what?

Yes, for what? Sometimes, we are flooded with information and to-do-lists that we lose sight of the very zenith we targeted. We dwell more on the stones along our way that we stray off our original path. That's human. But at times like this, we should reflect back our goals and priorities.

Hence, the calm before the storm.

It's like God really wanted me to reflect myself. Before I'm attacked by the stones of my journey and stray off, He wanted me to look forward and see if I'm on the right track.

So, am I?

Explore

A dusty keyboard, a stained monitor,

Scrolling down news by news.

Signs of melancholy, sighs of rejection,

Telling the world of their dejection.

This world is too sad, don't you think?

Virtual, fake, without a link.

What is here, is merely a dream,

Blissful ignorance, that's what is seem...

Beside me, a window, large and wide,

People walked, laughed and cried.

The outside where everything is real,

Not a roll of film on a reel.

And yet, I'm here.

Only sounds of depressing violin fill my ears.

I should go outside and snap from my snore,

Come with me, let us go explore.

Balance In All Things

"Balance in all things"

-Irelia-

My favourite champion in League of Legends is definitely Irelia, The Will of the Blades.

Why?

It is because her overall playstyle. You should play her as a top champion, farming up minions kills for gold to afford items. Once equipped, she is a force to be reckoned with. Just like me, Irelia's style is a more adaptive approach. Her role in the team depends on the current situation.

We are starting a fight?

Dive for the carry and murder that **)&@&#@$@!

We are losing?

Protect our carry and soak damage

The enemy ambushes us?

Be the martyr and take a champion or two!

Her adaptive potential makes Irelia one of the potent champion in the game and always becomes the victim of Riot's nerf stick.

Nerf Irelia please...

Ehem...I'm getting off topic.

Anyway as shown above, one of Irelia's quote is "Balance in all things."

As you might know, lately, I have been through a lot of stress and as a defense mechanism, I indulge myself with LoL to reduce that said stress. As always, I play game after game using Irelia and in every game, I would play around with the taunt just to pass time for the minion to spawn/game start.

Her words, though fictional, struck a chord in me.

Balance...

I could relate this with the balance of the overall emotions of the universe...I had thought about it before, with every unit of happiness, elsewhere, there will exist a unit of sadness. With that said, every time you feel happy, you know that somewhere, people are sad because of your happiness. Or if you're sad, somewhere, people are happiness because you're sad.

Quite a depressing thought isn't it?

But somehow, this idea has a lot of point.

For one thing, it deals about sacrifice.

I had a bad stint for a while in my relationships and honestly, I feel like withdrawing because the sadness is not worth it. But when I see at it again, my sadness results in their happiness.

Because of that, I feel a bit better, knowing that at least, I did something good.

Then I reflect even further like my parents for example...

Both of them are under so much pressure...They held it all in them...

As a result, all their children are happy...

But the cost of their sadness...

Sad thing?

Of course...but this realization made me to appreciate them more...

Knowing that my happiness is a direct result of their sadness...

Hence, the balance is preserve...

The world is divided into equal proportions of happiness and sadness...

And somehow, it is beautiful that way...

So, guys...remember

When you're feeling sad, remember that someone is happy because you're sad. You're giving them happiness.

When you're happy, remember that someone is sad because you're happy. So don't overindulge yourself.
Oppose and ruin the balance, and the world will punish you dearly

Yes, this is very deep...

But Yiruma is making me too sentimental lately...

The Battle Between Us, Them and Everyone

Recently, the world is shocked by yet another case of Israel-Palestine conflict. It happened during Maal Hijrah, the new year of the Islamic calendar. The air strike from the Israel faction killed the Hamas military chief. Almost instantly, the news spread in Twittersphere. The hashtag #PrayForGaza jumped to the number 1 spot of the most trending topic in less than an hour. People express anger, frustration, sadness, pity, sympathy to the victims. Images of killed children, woman, and man sparked even more emotional fire as extremist began to swore vengeance for the fallen.

And with that, all hell brakes loose...

The so-called 'war' reaches a new climax. Air strikes, bombs, missile, gun shots were fired without care of the collateral damage. Both sides exchange blows by blows. War cries resonated through the barren desert, hoping to raise the morale of troops to fight for victory. Scenes of families and happy times flashed in the soldier's mind, driving them forward to pull the trigger, although their body is perforated like Swiss Cheese.

Away from the battlefield, a whole new fight unfolds...

Hashtags of #PrayForGaza and #PrayForIsrael rages on TwitterSphere. Coffeeshop philosopher took their spotlight with 'wise' words and 'enlighten' rhetoric. Religious people quoted lines from their holy books to support their arguments. Young, ignorant teenagers jumped into the bandwagon and began spouting nonsense as if they knew everything of this incident. Adults gave a cent or two before ignoring it completely as they had other things to do.

But among these, you could see there are two apparent side: The pro-Israel and pro-Palestine

Even so, in each faction, you could see obvious disunity in thought and opinion.

For example, the on going debate about boycott.
One side rages on about how we should boycott all products from Israel in hopes that it will hamper their economy while the other side pressed on about how boycotting these product won't hamper their economy but instead hamper our own people depending on that said product for living.

And also, there's lies and manipulation...thrown in large quantity from BOTH sides.
Yes, with the advent of imaging and picture editing technology, bending and twisting a picture to tell a story has never been easier. It doesn't matter the mainstream media or your Facebook news feed, news manipulation happens.

People, when given a 'hot' topic, will definitely share absolutely ANYTHING related to that topic IF it supports their argument/cause.
Pictures of artists holding Israel flag, or picture of a burnt/charred babies filled Twitter, Facebook and blogs alike. But have you ever think the validity of said images?
Even outrageous if it makes a claim like "If you buy a burger, you buy a bullet", again, though it may fires you up, but can we validate it?

What if we can't validate that piece of information?
Should we believe or not believe it?
The best piece of advice is to wait for someone to make a statement.
Or at least use your own juridiscation about it.

But again, when we think in a retrospect, the battle is not between Israel-Palestine anymore. It somehow became a battle between the Truth and Lie

Yes, we fight on Facebook and Twitter...
But remember, the real battle is elsewhere
Thousands of miles away from here
Where both sides fight
BUT didn't kill each other
Instead, those who were killed are innocent people from BOTH sides.

Rather than fighting here at home,
Why not take a step and directly help those in need in the battlefield?

Stress, Tension, Pressure

STRESS

I remembered there was once a time everyone in my class called me 'Mamat Stress'. Mainly, it was because of my facial expression I had when I'm in deep thought. But it was true, somehow. I did feel stress. I mean, living in a dorm as a junior without stress is a completely non-existent term.

And even now, I'm stressed out. Assignments, test, exam, people problem, personal issues, clothes to be ironed, menial everyday task. And the list goes on. It's funny how a small, irrelevant issue can make you so stressed out. 

Recently, people around me is getting stressed out. My best friend, my colleagues, my mom, even my girlfriend are stressed out. And like the human depicted above, human's behavior is altered in the faces of stress. You will get all cranky and emotional and unstable which builds up into a huge pile of angst and wrath.

Dealing with stress by yourself is not an issue, apparently. You just need a time out, a game time or some smooth coffee with jazz on the stereo. But dealing people with stress, is a completely different issue.

Like I said earlier, people with stress behaved differently. How apparent or subtle the behavioral changes are depend on individuals themselves.

For example, your friend gets grumpy and cranky all day long. The weird part is he is guy, but he's like on PMS. Or you may feel weird that your girlfriend didn't reply your long messages with a message of equal length, instead reply with vague and detached replies such as 'Okay', 'hahaha' or 'Oh, cool story'.

Now, you may feel like stressed out because of these stressed out people. Worse thing you could do is judging them based on their behavior when they are stress. 

DON'T

Why?

Because stressed out people act like that because their behavior has been altered.

However, YOU are judging their 'stressed-out-behavior' as their PERSONALITY.

Wait, Wait, Wait...What?

Yes, you heard me.

People act differently when they are stressed out. It's normal. But it doesn't change their personality. They are still themselves. Only for a brief amount of time, they act differently as a defense mechanism to stress. 

The worse you could do is judge them when they are in their 'stress mode'

Because it adds into they stress level (And to a certain degree, make you stressed out as well)

So, enough with these

"Oh, member aku lupa kawan. beb"

"Celaka minah ini, dulu baik sekarang hampeh emo shit bagai"

"Awek aku dah sayang aku dah...potong tangan ar camni"

Because chances are THEY ARE STRESSED AND NEED YOUR SUPPORT

SO BE A GOOD PERSON AND SUPPORT THOSE WHO ARE REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY STRESSED OUT NOW!!

LIKE ME!

COME ON!

GIVE ME YOUR SUPPORT!

FEED ME!

PRAISE ME!

AND GIVE ME LIKES ON FACEBOOK!

Women, The Catalyst

Behind every successful man, there's a woman

Scream 'cliche'

Exclaim blasphemy

Shout curses erroneously.

Whatever you said, this old adage holds truth.

Look around you, all the successful man alive, look their history. Along the way, it's almost impossible to see their life with the impact of a certain woman or women. To any man reading this, analyze back your past. There must be, should be, will be a girl that somehow give so much impact to your life that it would be unimaginable to think a parallel world where she doesn't exist.

...

...

...

Hah! You must be thinking of that said girl (or girls)

But all these girls should not necessary be your wife or love interest. Their existence is sufficient to give us the extra push to carry on with life. To give a sense of purpose that drives you on despite the daunting challenges ahead. To be collected as life throws everything it can to hamper your progress.

Hence, we can concluded that 

WOMEN = CATALYST FOR MEN

Personally, I agree to that hypothesis

I too have women (yes, women) that touched my life and changed my world. To date, there are three women are really changed my life. And surely, without them. You won't be even seeing this blog existed.

Woman #1

Also known as The Rival. Yeah, she was a childhood friend. The source of my kiasu-ness. The source of competition. Doesn't matter where she stands on the school ranking, I will try to beat her. Until today, 11 November 2011, I DIDN'T BEAT HER EVEN ONCE!

Yes, she is that good. Every test, every exam, I would try to mark up to her but in vain. I remember when I got rejected from my dream school and she passed the first interview. Imagine the amount of my jealousness. When I finally entered SBP, I knew she didn't, giving me a sense of achievement...but it was shortlived. 

She still beat me in everything else.

National Scholarship? Beaten

UWC interview? Beaten

Race to fly oversea first? Beaten

Everything? Beaten

But I guess that's the origin of my competitiveness. Even today, I still feel competitive anywhere. Hence, my kiasu-ness. And also, that is also the origin of my admiration to her. Well, at that time I was confused so I thought it was love. But....nahhh. It was just admiration. Seeing her go up and up to the zenith of success while I'm stumbling and struggling below her. 

Someday...I will beat you.

And the day I do,

I shall thank you too.

Woman #2

Ah, this woman is one important figure in my life. Why? She was present during the turning point of my life: 2009.

Yes, she was my partner in crime. A mother figure while I was a father figure. Many challenges hit us both in managing one of the most notorious batch ever to grace SMSS. Tension was high. Pressure was enormous. And things look bleak.

But we are there for each other. Well, she was there for me. I don't know if she intended or not but somehow, every time I feel like breaking down, she will somehow appear in front of me, with a subliminal message of "Hey, I'm holding on too. Be strong"

This girl instantly grabbed my heart. Hence, I tried becoming better and better. I took on jobs and responsibility. I pressed on. I stayed strong, not braking down a slight. Everything I do then, somehow was related to that woman.

We did hook up though with me shamelessly serenading her. But...it didn't work out.

Well, it was my first time so I screwed up.

She is also the reason why I'm so traumatized and paranoid with relationships for a while.

Nonetheless, she is important to my life. I did say 'Thank you' to her in numerous occasions but I wonder is that even sufficient to make it up for what she had done. Yeah, if you knew her, you would go 'uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu'

Well, that's your choice/problem

Moving on

Women #3

Heh, this woman made me questioned fate. I met her in an elevator after my presentation during F1 In Schools 2010. Then again, in front of my hotel room, locked outside. She laughed when she saw me struggling with my keycard.

I met her again by chance in an Innovation Exhibition. I got her number at that time.

Then, we talked, texted and Facebook chat.

Frankly, I didn't feel anything from her. Mostly due to the double heart break of 2010. That emotional scar made me shut off from any form of serious relationship.

But this woman is a witch.

For some reason, she sticks with me. Every time I tried to back off, she would persistently sticks to me, caring for me. I find it heartwarming and touched. When the event of 19th February 2011 came around, I was at my lowest. Lowest of the lowest I stumbled. But she came and just consoled me. On my 17th Birthday, she was the one chatting with me with the clock struck midnight and be the first one to wish me that year.

We chatted and chatted until suddenly, I felt something. I deny it at first, but it was too strong. And ultimately, we became a thing.

Now, consider the fact we were separated by 2000km of land and sea. It was a very loooooooong distance relationship. As a couple, we didn't even see each other. But even from afar, I could feel she is supporting me. Every night after band practice or prep, she would text me and make my day better despite the tiredness. It was a slight emotional boost but man, did it worked.

After a full 15 months as a couple, we finally met.

Oh, how could I describe that moment.

I wish surreal. Seriously. Like a scene from my dream theater.

Even now, she is still my drive. A twist of fate and both of us is in the same program to US. As a man, I can't be the one being helped. I must help her. And so, I became better and better in hope to assist her.

Yes, a sappy love story, I know.

But hey, that is the unadulterated truth.

AND THUS

Those are the women that changed my life. Who is yours?

SPM: A Reflection, Retrospect and Revelation

SPM
I know it's a bit late (Students are doing their BM paper as we speak) but SPM has once again, arrived into our calendar.
Statuses by statuses, tweets by tweets, blogpost by blogpost, wishing these students good luck in facing their , arguably, the most important exam of their life. Many 'inspirational' and 'motivation' speeches are thrown around in hopes of giving the final emotional boost to face this daunting adversity like:

"Doa banyak2 tau"
"Tawakal je, ko dah banyak berusaha"
"Makan kismis 7 balang sehari, insya allah pandai"
"Rebus buku, minum"

But take a few steps back and think,

What the heck is SPM?

Now, I can foresee that you guys will reply with:

SPM is a public examination taken by Form Five students as an end to their secondary level education. Range of subject including bla bla bla bla bla bla bla

Now, take a few more steps back and think,

Why are we taking SPM?

Again, I can foresee you guys responding with:

Scholarship!

University placing!

To make my parents proud!

To boost my school rankings!

Again, ask yourself this:

Is SPM 'that' important?

You guys will now proceed to gather your pitchforks and torches while screaming 'Bullshit! Blasphemy!" at me in respond to the sheer absurdity of my notion. But calm down, and think. Is it that important?

SPM, although as flawed as it is now, (A digression here, I REALLY think that all the public examination is a cleverly sneaky political tool. With the ever so fluid grading system, the ministry can just say "Oh, this year's examination result has increase triple-fold from last year. All of this won't be achievable without US") is just an examination. Examination is a merely 'test of strength' to your academic prowess.

Highlight the term 'academic prowess' here. Truth to be told, SPM mostly test your skills to adhere to formats and memorizing terms and regurgitate them when needed. It is a flawed system to exactly test one's intelligence as critical and creative thinking skills are not properly tested. (And the examination board put KBKK question as a sad excuse for 'critical and creative thinking' question)

So, no matter what happen during SPM, one should not be thinking 'Oh, I'm so smart' or 'Oh, I'm so stupid'

Though, it's undeniable that SPM plays an important part in getting scholarships but think of it as this way. Your results, in the eyes of potential sponsors, are in reality just numbers. They are concern if you passed their minimum cut-off point only. After that, they couldn't give a crap. The level of Tom who got 29 A+ and Sam who got a mix of A+, A and A- is the same in the eyes of sponsors, assuming both of them passed the minimum academic requirement. Instead, they focus on life skills. 

Yes, as cliche'd as it sounds, sponsor look for 'skills' more than SPM results. At the end of the day, you will be bonded (in most cases, unless you're Turga or Wardah. *ehem* Golden Deer Award *ehem*) and sponsors are searching for someone who they can work it and contribute to them in the future. If you're just capable of memorizing and regurgitating facts, they might as well hired or buy a photocopier. They want true, bona fide humans.

So, with all these digression, what is my point exactly?

Do your best in SPM

But remember, it's NOT 

I repeat, NOT

the total evaluation of your life

NEVER let SPM result define you

As it is, at best, some numbers you will forget as you grow older.

But what is truly eternal?

You

So, whatever happens, you are still you.

Now, brace yourselves and ace that exam!

I Want to Learn How to Learn

Don't you find it infuriating?
You spent hours and hours studying a particular subject, pouring over books and papers, answering all those past year/semester test in hopes to get an astounding grade.

Instead, you got CRAP. A C or a D (if you're lucky, a B) smudged your transcript, bringing such disgrace that you'd scream in rage on top of a hill. (heh)

But why? You asked.
I've spent hours studying.
I should get a good grade, if not astounding.
But I failed to do so.
Why?
Isn't time spent studying is directly proportional to academic/examination success?

Well, in a sense it's true.
In another sense, it's false.
Time is needed to study, yes, I'm not disagreeing to that.
But is time used efficiently? That's is a question to be answered.

I'm intrigued by the learning process of humans, particularly the student.
I find it perplexing that some student spent hours and hours in front of a book, only to achieve a mediocre score.
Or to find a guy who opens his book just for a moment, and ended up to get the highest score.
Logically, from these observations, we can conclude that time is not a factor of academic success. No, that's not the correct way to word it.

TIME IS NOT A FACTOR OF LEARNING SUCCESS

And yes, I would like to emphasize the word 'learning' here.

You see, for so long, we have been deluded that to actually 'learn' effectively, we need TIME.

Hence the law; the more time you spent studying, the higher/better your academic success.

Again, this is false.

Let's go to the basis of learning itself.

What is learning actually?

Most of us to respond with 'study' or 'read books'

But shockingly, that is just a superficial definition.

Learning is to actually understand a concept or a subject via means of reading, listening, writing, questioning, speculating, experimenting, analyzing or so on so forth.

Highlight those gerunds (the -ing) in that definition. Now ask yourselves, how good are you with those skills? Now, think back of your previous academic records. And your study habits. And your test answering abilities.

Then it clicked.

Learning is in fact, a skill.

Somehow, it correlates with how you fare in your academic situation.

The traditional 'read and practice and cram', sure, can help you. But it could help you so much.

The ignorance of not honing your skills to learn will eventually hamper your intellectual development.

So, the solution?

LEARN HOW TO LEARN

With that being said, check out this interesting blog here . It has a few tips and trick for ULTRA LEARNING

A Degree Up On the Wall

Mr ***

has been awarded the

Bachelor of Business Administration

from

University of X

I always admired all those certificates and degrees hanged on the wall of houses I visited. It gave me an impression that the people in this household are indeed sophisticated and educated. It sent shivers down of spine in admiration and aspiration. 

But when I returned to my house, there were no certificates hanged on the wall.

Yes, you can't see any degrees up on the wall with all its grandeur in my house.

And if I'm not mistaken, my dad IS a degree holder. 

If that's so, where is the degree?

An innocent inquiry to my dad was responded with this:

"My degree? Oh, I think I left my degree at the States. You know, when I refuse to go back to US to do my Masters, I just left everything there."

HOLY

WRAP

It baffled me.

How could you say like that???!!

That degree

That certificate

All those hours, sweat, blood and tears to get that degree

And you wasted the only prove to tell the whole world, "HEY WORLD! I PASSED FOUR YEARS OF UNDERGRADUATE STUDY AND THIS IS MY PROVE!"

My dad, being...well, dad, just laugh it off.

But it doesn't mean he was not successful.

Although with a very rough start, but he managed to climb to the zenith of success.

He has a company of his own

He managed to raise a great and awesome family with his wife

Heck, he even gave a keynote speech for a convention (That was one of my dreams...awwww)

But he didn't have a degree hanged up the wall of his own house.

Oh, the irony.

And asked again about why he left his degree, he replied with this.

"A degree is, but a piece of paper. You don't study for a piece of paper with your name on it. You study for the knowledge. For the experience. For the insights. Those will propel you forward and upward. Not a piece of paper."

And. Boom.

Case closed.

If you study just for a 'First Class Honors' or 'Somma Cum Laude' on your degree,

Then remember this.

It is still, at best, a piece of paper.

Glorified, Embellished

But proves nothing

What is important, ultimately,

is what you get along the way

A Detachment From the Self

If you don't know yet, I'm taking Foundations Of Acting as one of my subjects this semester.
And I'm enjoying every single class of it.

I mean, seriously
I've been deprived from ARTS for so long that it hurts. And when given the opportunity to dwell myself in arts once again, I never been so alive. (I miss my orchestra)

For added effect, my lecturer can be define by one lingo that many surfer and a man called Barney Stintson used: AWESOME
She is awesome in the sense that she is very cunning
VERY CUNNING
And smart in delivering her insights and messages.
I love the feeling when I discovered her messages.
It was like: EUREKA!
And I've the urge to run around campus naked while exclaiming that phrase in a splitting image of a certain famous Greek scientist.

Ehem
But that's not the point of this whole post.
The point is

Detachment of Self

Now, I can imagine all of you slanting your head sideways with a baffled expression.

Yes, the detachment of self. It is an important element of theater. Detachment of self happens when you don't feel yourself anymore and completely, I mean completely shifted into the character of choice.

This surreal and ever so real phenomenon intrigued me. The first time ever I felt it was during the premier of my monologue. I played a whiny and desperate sounding guy, complaining about his crush. I had the scene in my head, how should I move and talk to make the character alive.

But 

Something else happen when I actually perform it live. I can't feel myself. Indeed, I was not Nazran. I can't hear my thoughts anymore. EVERYTHING. Shut down.

Yet, I performed the character quite well. I didn't have to worry about anything. It came naturally. The character just took control of my body and make it speak, act and move just like him.

It's a convenient tool for all actors. To simply detach one's self from one's body and just let the character took over. But, it lead to another dilemma.

Who am I?

Yes, identity crisis. Because the character came so naturally, there must be instances where an actor or an actress think about his or her true identity. Is the character one of their hidden self? This may not be a problem if the character is a heroic knight or a strong-willed girl, but if the character is a serial killer? A rapist? A woman who killed her own child? Is that me? An actor or actress would ask to his or herself.

And hence, the greatest challenge for any actor or actress is to find their true and ultimate 'self'. Their center of their personality. By achieving that, they could be the greatest actor or actress of all time. No, that's not right. They could be the most human of all human.

Why?

It is because they have found their center.

Their true self.

So the question remains for all of us

Shouldn't we start finding ourselves? 

Well, we should.

But how?

Well, you could try to do a psychoanalysis to yourself

Or lay down on your bed, just letting your mind wanders

Or like me, you could take theater lesson.

Yeah, I think that is the best way.

No matter how high I reach

No matter how low I fall

No matter how big I be

No matter how small I be

No matter how strong I am

No matter how weak I am

I am me

Me is me

Machines to Humans

My childhood entertainment was simple: Lego, mini 4-Wheel Drive cars and Pokemon. If I was not with my Legos building the Petronas Twin Tower or playing Pokemon, I would be sitting cross-legged on the floor, taking apart and improving my mini 4WD cars. 

I remembered how I carelessly tried to take apart the DC motor of the car and 'enhance' it by winding more copper wires around the magnet. After putting it back together and testing it, the results were not a faster car due to a better motor but a melted chassis and a very angry mom. (She took away my cars for a week, something I could not understand at that time)

Any sane adult that witnessed my attics would say that I would become an engineer in the future. They were right. I love machines (heightened when my father introduced the computer to me) and with a disease called 'impulsive curiousness', my engineer profile was complete.

With my own jurisdiction (and my father's subtle persuasions , I went to a Science boarding school , hoping to expand my engineer's horizon and skills. However, instead of making me love machines more, I found a new love.

When I entered boarding school, I just wish to dwell myself in machines while ignoring the society around me. But the people around me just won't leave me alone. I began to asked myself 'why am I being bullied?' and 'why my classmates want to get close to me?' I simply can't comprehend human behavior and it made me frustrated because I can't relate it with my knowledge. My curiosity mode kicked in. Like any machines, human behavior must have a way to analyze and later, control it. So, I bought my first ever 'human-related book', How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie to find out more; and, it was love at first sight.

How Carnegie analyzed and made use of principles to influence human behavior simply blew me away. Unlike machines, humans were complicated and random subjects yet he could find a way around it. It was proven when I tried applying his principles into my non-existing social life; it worked wonders. It was a spark for a vivid firework. I got so intrigued by society mechanics and interactions that I bought more and more books related to that topic, reading voraciously although it wasn't my subject in school.

My love for machines did diminish. 

But was it a loss that I gave up my love of machines for humans? 

Definitely not. In fact, I believe that my new found passion which puts me into a larger context of the world, beyond machinery and computers. All those machinery  no matter how advance they are, were creations of humans. What drove them to create those machinery  That is a questions I wish to find the answer for. In the meantime however, I shall find out why my mum was so mad until she took away my 4WD cars.

Relax? Or not to relax?

Shakespeare's Hamlet was renowned for the strings of bad actors that plays Hamlet. One of the line from that play is:

To be, or not to be. That's the question

For me, I share that same dilemma.

To relax, or not to relax. That's the question

We live in a fairly competitive environment. Heck, fairly competitive is an understatement. In this globalized world of the information era, filled with 'kiasu' people, COMPETITION IS FREAKING HIGH.

No joke. I mean look at the tech industry. One day we have Iphone 6, then THE NEXT MORNING, S4 will be released. The consumer can't even keep up because the competition between these two giants is simply too fast.

So, when competition is high, we can't and I mean it, CAN'T slack off. Productivity must be at it's peak and on the PPF curve (Economics jargon FTW)

When I say, 'Oh, I need to relax a bit', I will get a look like: "OMG You had just committed a HUGE SIN. REPENT IMMEDIATELY SINNER! IMMEDIATELY!" or something like that.

Come on, can't I just relax?

No wait. The best question is

Can't we just relax?

Most kiasu people will respond with "No, I can't relax. I have to study. I have a family to bla bla bla"

As far as I'm interested in your life story, I am baffled why some people just don't what to relax.

It's depressing, seriously. When I see people hunched over their desk studying and cramming WITHOUT stop, I can't help to think why am I not studying. But I DO study. Just not in that such intensity. I took breaks...alot of them. Like, 10 minutes for every 40-50 minutes of effective study.

Because with breaks, I can sustain my focus over a longer time of period...

And who doesn't like breaks right?

Have a break, Have a Choki-Choki



Because Kit-Kat is too main stream

The Gentleman Code

Why can't all men be gentlemen?

So a lady friend made this statement which suddenly made me shuddered in nostalgia. All those stupid moments albeit bitter ones too came rushing back to me. I started to become retrospective all of the sudden.

The word 'gentlemen' had once became a code for me. Remember how I was once obsessed with knights? I embodied it into the modern world as an obsession of becoming a gentlemen. 

I followed something called the 'Gentleman's Code', a code made just for...well, gentlemen or aspiring gentlemen. When I think about it back, I suspect it was made in the 1920's because it was so old school. Among the codes are:

-Never ask a woman for money

-Always carry her bags

-Treat a woman...always

-Never make sarcastic comments, only praises of her beauty

Call me traditional or old school or something but I DID follow this code. EVERY. SINGLE. CODE.

Man, I'm a little embarrassed. 

I did follow the code because I want to stand out. I know myself. I'm not handsome. I don't even have an acceptable body figure. Fats hang above my pants line. Acne destroyed my face. My smile was so awkward that a baby would instantly cry at the sight of it.

To sum it up, my looks suck

So, I wanted to leverage on personality and decorum

Therefore, the Gentlemen's Code

But you know, I tried doing it to girls, expecting at least an interest towards me. Sure, it impressed some of them but the most undesirable thing happened.

STEPPED ON

Or in a context of a crush relationship

FRIENDZONE

And that really hit me hard. I found out that girls, are attracted to douchebags/bad boys, no matter how much they would like to deny it. They like to be treated as an equal male not a women, something I find it ironical. 

It irks me. It simply pissing me off. I put my ego put the line, only get trampled on. And since that, I gave up on the Gentlemen's code.

So, end of story?

Not really. Being a douchebag might get you a girlfriend or two but ultimately, you're still a douchebag. Feared but not respected.

Best course of action? 

AMENDMENTS ON THE GENTLEMEN'S CODE

Instead of being a girl's slave or being a totally douchebag, I think the best course of action is to just be nice.

Not only to girls, but everyone in general

You don't need a 'Gentlemen's Code'

Your innate moral codes are more than sufficient to be nice.

SCREW GENTLEMEN'S CODE

JUST FREAKING BE NICE!

Calling Any Local Film Makers

Yesterday, I was chilling around my apartment, searching for ideas and insights for my college essay, when I saw THIS on TV

WHAT

THE

FIRETRUCK

DUCK

MUCK

PUCK

CHICKEN

???!!!!

What is this?

Oh, another romantic comedy with another deep symbolism featuring some popular comedian.

Really? Cinta Beruang? Like seriously?

If I'm not mistaken, we have Cinta Kura-Kura before, and those of other Cinta *insert object/animal/person/state of body/political party here* wayyyyyyy before this. In fact, we had TOO much of it that it had become very, very, VERY repetitive. 

I agree, the first time KL Gangster came out, it has a huge HIT. My school mate keep on repeating the same quote over and over and over and over again.

"Malik is back!"

"Lu mau tembak mana? Sini? Sini? Atau sini?"

"Tapi lu sayurrrrrr"

I can't deny that the idea of a gangster movie is fresh in Malaysia (though overused in other places). But then, influxes of GANGSTER movies started showing up like "Gangster X" or "X Gangster" or "*insert anything related to the gangster life here*" To make it worse, all those movie are on a quality of an kindergarten art project. 

Why can't the director get a hint that their 'works' are in fact stale. Okay, fine. I understand every dweller of arts has his or her rights to express or create anything he or she wanted. However, such repetition is just absurd. Imagine a song repeating the same slogan over and over again (*ehem* 1Malaysia song *ehem*), wouldn't you be bashing the song too? THAT IS HAPPENING TO YOUR WORKS! IT IS TOO STALE ALREADY.

I can foresee the arguments they are going to throw at me for this

'Tapi itulah apa penonton mahu, kami tak ada bajet maka kami perlu pastikan sesuatu produksi itu dapat sales dan hits. Penonton suka gangster ngan rom-com maka kita kasi mereka rom-com'

My argument? Simple.

Go to the cinema.

See the seats available for your movie.

And compare them with the international movie.

Weep and be in denial as the cold harsh reality sinks in your delusional mind.

Then you'll will asking: Why? Why? Why?

Simple: STALE AND QUALITY

Oh, I haven't talk about quality yet.

Well, I just show you one movie poster to sum up my argument.

WHAT

THE

RUCK

That lone movie poster (and trailer) simply left me laughing my stomach out on the floor. 

I know, we need to support our local products and bla bla bla

But shows us that you are worthy of being supported.

I'm sure all of you film makers don't appreciate being supported out of sympathy.

So prove to us lah!

Make an ORIGINAL film that doesn't include gangster, bohsia, rempits, hantu, bomoh, momok, or a total rip off of a Hollywood movie with an exceptional quality. You will be surprised that that very film will set a benchmark for other film makers and hence, revolutionizing the local film industry.

The problem is who will?

If somehow local film makers read my lonely, unpopular blog, take this as a challenge.

AND BE THE FILM MAKER TO CHANGE OUR FILM INDUSTRY FOR THE BETTER!

Cause if I see another 'Cinta X' film, I'll officially give up on the local film industry

PMR

To all PMR candidates,
Keep your emotions in check!
Be calm!
And ACE THIS!

And remember,
All of this is a lesson of life
Learn of it
And may you prevail against other challenges of life

To Teach and Inspire

I want to be a teacher

To tell the truth, I really did want to be a teacher. I'll get the chance to see the young generation and educate them to face life. I love teaching; evident from my usual tutoring session with my batch mates. It was an appealing career for me.

HOWEVER,

I did not become a teacher.

Instead I'm on the road into becoming an economist (Or would I?)

Although I'm quite frustrated back then because everyone opposed my aspiration to become a teacher (at least a lecturer) because of this simple and absurd logic:

 "Kenapa nak cikgu? Tak rasa rugi ke?"

Tak rasa rugi? TAK RASA RUGI???

Okay, I admit I once thought of this before but later in life I found it stupid and insensible. Why is the profession as a teacher is viewed as 'rugi' by the society? Isn't a teacher supposed to be a very noble and respected profession? But yet, nowadays, becoming a teacher is viewed as a 'last resort' or 'a way to easy money'

I find quite the irony. The society opposes the 'geniuses' or the 'bright students' from becoming a teacher, and forces (in most cases) into the science field like Medicine or Engineering. Yet, the society itself are forcing their children to be like those 'geniuses' but where can they find their inspirations? With the number of teachers dropping with the lack of enrollment of new teachers and veteran teacher retiring, we can assume the number of quality teachers to be rarer too since if those assumptions were true, then only mediocre SPM graduates will be teachers.

I am here not to say ALL teachers are bad or worst or etc. But I find it's sad to see such noble profession to be seen as 'last resort' or 'a mediocre career'. We can't blame the society fully for this paradigm. Being teacher is really not a dream job for many. Stressful environment, pressures from all areas and inflexibility of time. So, maybe that's the problem. Being a teacher now is merely to finish up the syllabus, mark papers and hope that the grades will push the school up the ranking.

THIS I HATE

You see, education here now in Malaysia is moving into a rank-based system.

It is no more a 'good' or 'bad' school

But it's more to 'a number 1 school' and 'a number 10 school'

Due to this fact, the school administration will do anything and I mean ANYTHING to move up the ranking because the higher the ranking, the 'better' the school will be, attracting more attention and of course, financial assistance.

Like I said earlier, the school will do ANYTHING to achieve this and among those things are 'rigid-academic How-to's' focusing the boosting the student's performance. Hence, ALL teachers are required to follow this 'guidelines' ensure they will do a good job and hence, get a pay raise.

So, where's the flaw? Isn't that good? Won't it be beneficial to the students aka future generations?

On paper, yes. But think about it again. If that method is truly a universal solution, then it's better to fire all the teachers and replace them with computer programs such as Score A or such. Why? It because by adhering to a strict guidelines on how to teach and rigid goals, it removes the flexibility of the teacher and worse, the human touch of the teachers.

Teachers, contrary to popular beliefs have another job rather than teaching and educating. They are here to INSPIRE. When I say inspire, I don't merely suggest those deep motivational quotes or something. To inspire is actually unleashing and unlocking the true potential of the students. We acknowledge the fact that every student is different and unique to his or herself. Hence a large deal of flexibility is required to tackle each one of them and recognizing their true potential.

But the problem is?

The rigid academic guideline and ridiculous expectations to climb up the ranking of course.

Because of this, the teacher profession is viewed as rigid, dull and stressful by the society. Thus, the society prevents those bright students and 'geniuses' from the teaching profession. Thus, the number and quality of teachers dropped. And society will perceive teaching profession to be worse and worse. And the cycle repeats.

So the solution is?

Recognize the flexibility of the teachers back.

Give them chance to be creative

And explore their subject with the student

Inspire the student and acknowledge their potential

Because ultimately, rankings and grade are mere numbers

But inspiration and motivation from a great teacher will last forever.

I'm here because of the great teachers that had taught me before.

And truth to be told, NONE of them adhere to the 'rigid academic guideline'

They teach what they think to be relevant to the students and the subjects and they did it with enthusiasm and creativity.

They didn't view their jobs as stressful and thus they make bonds easier with the students.

In short, they are simply awesome teachers.

To all future and current teacher out there,

I'm respect you guys.

Its a noble profession you guys decided to take on.

So make the best out of it.

And change the society's perception against you.

It might be daunting

But it may need just one teacher to start and make a difference.

Because your student will follow

The Road to a BARELY PASS

US College Application starts off with one thing:

ACADEMICS

Unlike with its Malaysian counterpart where academics decides 90% (Or maybe wholly *ehem*Bursary*ehem*) of your success rate of admission, the US college application considered academics to be the ONLY first hurdle.

*In Malaysia, academics is defined as SPM

In US, academics is defined as CGPA, SAT, ACT, APs etc etc etc*

Next week, I'll be sitting for me SAT. And as a typical Malaysian student, the most viable preparation would be cramming hours and hours and hours for this examination. I mean, it worked during SPM right?

But then, I took a step back.

How much does it worth?

From what I knew, academics is just a cut off point. You passed it, then you passed it. If let say the minimum cut off point is CGPA of 3.5. Then those who gets 3.5 and 4.0 are considered the same as they are included into the set of people who PASSED the cut off point. If that's true, why work your ass off for a 4.0?

Alright, maybe you all are viewing this as a lamentation or complain or excuses for not studying, but I can't help to wonder. Is it truly worth it?

I'm not sure...

Well, hope I get an answer sooner or later

And With That, I Bid You Farewell and Good Luck

Imagine a situation:

You have a friend, who you spend five years with together, facing angels and demons and anything in between. Then suddenly, one day, your friend had sprouted wings and fly away. What will you do as your last moment together?

Sorry, can't resist cuteness

Will you cry?

Will you laugh?

Will you reminiscent together?

Will you crack another joke?

Well that went through my mind these past few days. I had four member of Genesis flying off to Egypt to continue their journey in pursing knowledge and the answer of life. As you all know, Genesis means a lot to me. (Duh, read my past posts) So, I made a resolution.

I Shall Go and Send Off Each and Every One of Them at KLIA

No matter how I will do it,

I shall definitely do it.

Again, the most obvious question would be: Why?

Why waste time, money and energy to send off your batchmates?

Isn't a Facebook post is enough?

The reason is simple:

I LOVE THEM

What else drives a man more than LOVE?

A powerful emotion; capable of creation and destruction. In the case, it gave a positive effect.

However, the path of proving one's love is rumoured to be a path full of thorns and bumps...

Love was never simple. Love is hard. Falling in love is hard. Sustaining love is hard. Proving your love is even harder.

I can't believe all those obstacle I need to overcome to make my statement come true. Among the things:

-I got stranded in the middle of nowhere

-My car broke down

-Shivering at the side of the road, waiting for the storm to subside

-Waking up early for class, sleeping very late at night

-Money, TONS of it

-Driving like a madman with speed reaching 160km/h to the airport

-Exploring Selangor like an avid explorer

-Actually writing this blogpost

More and more, it seems my marginal cost overshadowed my marginal benefit (Economics Reference FTW!) It was simply not worth it to send ALL FOUR OF THEM at KLIA. Like KLIA is a freaking 5 minutes drive from your place. It took almost AN HOUR.

But, for some reason void of logic and rationale, I did just that...

Although I didn't really managed to send off Khal and Aien properly, at least I waved at them as they disappeared into the departure hall.

Again, why?

Simple: LOVE

Friends are aplenty. Sure, there are normal friends, close friends, best friends, BFFs and such but inevitably, they are all FRIENDS. The fact they are your FRIEND makes all the difference.

I believe in the Butterfly Effect which states:

 The sensitive dependence on initial conditions, where a small change at one place in a deterministic non liner system can result in large differences to a later state

In other words:

Anything you do or anything that effects you, no matter how small it is, will make a huge impact on you later on.

*My interpretation FYI*

When a certain friend made his or her presence in your life, inevitably they will make an impact onto you. And believe me, ALL of the four Genesis guys and girls that flew to Egypt, no matter how close they are to me, DID made an impact onto me.

And I'm not even bullshiting

That's why, I love all my friends. The fact they exist is good enough for me. I may not show it but I truly do treasure my friends, ALL OF THEM.

You guys made an impact in my life, that's why I love you guys...

TO THE EGYPT STUDENTS, A SHOUT OUT FOR YOU!!!

Emi, the hyperactive girl with a strong heart

Aiman aka Piah, the long arms of Perwira

Not in picture form (Due to a certain group of girls being late):

Aien, the bubbly-pavlova-sweet things loving girl

and

Khal, the timid yet very strong and bold girl

We, from nazranvision.blogspot.com would like to give you:

AN OBAMA SALUTE!

When You're Stranded, Can You Get Help? Not Really

Yesterday, I got stranded....
Yes, for the first time in my time, I got stranded in the middle of an unfamiliar place with only VERY limited resources. (RM 1.30 of phone credit, 30% phone battery, RM 17 of cash, and 25 km worth of petrol)

It was a rainy night, after sending Aiman Afif aka Piah at KLIA. I stopped at a petrol station in Bangi to refuel and hoped that it will be sufficient until Subang. Right after refueling, I took off.

Unfortunately, there was a minor flood in front of the station. Figuring that if I took the edge of the road, I might be able to pass it. With a VERY exhausted body and even more exhausted mind, I took it as the best course of action and drive at the edge of the road.

UNFORTUNATELY
The water level was high also at the edge of the road. I panicked and shifted the gear to reverse and get out from the water but it was too late; the engine died. Attempts to start the engine back was futile and things spiral out of control after that.

My car bumper fell off... -.- Ignoring that fact for a while, I put the car on free gear and tried to push it out from the water.

UNFORTUNATELY
Due to my lack of sheer strength, fatigue, and the heavy Perdana, my efforts were as successful as the Greek economy. So, I waved and shouted for help at the nearby cars and the workers at the petrol station.

And you know what happened?

Car 1: Oh shit, there's someone in need. Let us turn back.
Car 2: Meh, someone else will help
Worker 1: *blank n blur*
Worker 2: Not my problem

Furious and enraged by them, I rushed over to the worker and begged for help. The following happened.

"Abang, tolong saya tolak kereta saya ketepi, x elok letak tgh2 jalan."
*blank* "Tapi, abg tgh keje. X mau baju basah."
"Ala bang, basah sikit je. Saya x nak kereta rosak lagi."
*pandang2 orang lain* *blank* "....Tapi hujan lebat la" (You don't say??)

Now, I was at my boiling point already.
I was wet; drenched actually
I was cold and shivering
I was tired and exhausted
I was panicked and worried
I was sad
I was frustrated
AND YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO HELP ME JUST TO PUSH THE CAR???!!

And all the other worker just don't give a damn. It's like each of them were hoping that SOMEONE would come forward and help but in reality, no one made a move. The 'bystander effect' took place and it was freaking annoying considering I was the victim! The diffusion of responsibilities at the WRONG TIME

Thankfully, there were two bro's who were stranded too that decided to help me. Even without a change in clothes, they helped a total stranger push their broken car out from the flood and into the station. Not only that, they even took a look at my car; inspecting any defects or abnormality. (Fortunately, there were none...except the bumper problem)

To wrap out the story, I stayed at Hilfi's place for the night and the rest is history

Screw those workers
Bless those bro's

Nazran here with an important message to all MALAYSIAN

HELP OTHERS
EVEN IF THEY ARE STRANGERS